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Are dinner parties a thing of the past?
- Thread starter traca
- Start date
I think casual gatherings, like football game watching and Oscar parties etc are taking over with
finger foods and fun beverages and mingling instead of sit-down. but then, we're known to be quite casual up here. sit-down dinners are pretty much for the holidays for us.
finger foods and fun beverages and mingling instead of sit-down. but then, we're known to be quite casual up here. sit-down dinners are pretty much for the holidays for us.
It seems to me that creeping casual'ness' & the lack of will to put in great effort are the culprits
People don't seem to want to trouble themselves anymore. And they make lots of excuses for not doing one thing and another and how busy they are. I think I mentioned a couple of months ago that I believe we are becoming quite lazy. Seems to me that if we are willing to go to the trouble, we make the time. Like Richard. Well, maybe he's an extreme example.
H & I used to have lots of big and formal, 7-course dinners. Yes, the good crystal, formal china, good barware, silver this and that, all came out. Even in the Caribbean, it was a good time with lots of effort and the good stuff. So I lost a day or two on the beach, but it was still a good time. And people did enjoy themselves. It's tough for me even to imagine doing all that and playing host by myself now but I'm going to try it with 6 people this month (I think...that's not quite a commitment) and that will be a challenge in my little place.
The west coast is really informal in comparison. We lived in a big sophisticated metropolis, but here, life is very different. Don't you feel silly sitting down to the formal china and fine crystal in your bluejeans? Should we? Or should we just yank out the kitchen stuff because you know most people will be casual? The one exception is Christmas or New Years...that season. You may just be asking about the dinner and the number of guests but the article seems to the lack of formality now as well.
My 2 pennies worth.
People don't seem to want to trouble themselves anymore. And they make lots of excuses for not doing one thing and another and how busy they are. I think I mentioned a couple of months ago that I believe we are becoming quite lazy. Seems to me that if we are willing to go to the trouble, we make the time. Like Richard. Well, maybe he's an extreme example.
H & I used to have lots of big and formal, 7-course dinners. Yes, the good crystal, formal china, good barware, silver this and that, all came out. Even in the Caribbean, it was a good time with lots of effort and the good stuff. So I lost a day or two on the beach, but it was still a good time. And people did enjoy themselves. It's tough for me even to imagine doing all that and playing host by myself now but I'm going to try it with 6 people this month (I think...that's not quite a commitment) and that will be a challenge in my little place.
The west coast is really informal in comparison. We lived in a big sophisticated metropolis, but here, life is very different. Don't you feel silly sitting down to the formal china and fine crystal in your bluejeans? Should we? Or should we just yank out the kitchen stuff because you know most people will be casual? The one exception is Christmas or New Years...that season. You may just be asking about the dinner and the number of guests but the article seems to the lack of formality now as well.
My 2 pennies worth.
From the West Coast: Formal china. What's that? Here a big issue is last minute drop off.
We talked about this at a party last week. Thankfully, it's not just me experiencing this. People RSVP then...an hour before guests are due to arrive, people start cancelling. By phone, text, e-mail, Facebook. It's so frustrating. An hour before "game time" I've got other things on my mind. Or I'd like to.
Last month I had a dinner party. 50% of the people dropped out in the last hour! We ended up with 6, which was fine. What was NOT fine was all the extra food. An unnecessary expense, for sure.
It's so frustrating. I'd love to do more but at this point, I'm still trying to figure out who's going to show up!
We talked about this at a party last week. Thankfully, it's not just me experiencing this. People RSVP then...an hour before guests are due to arrive, people start cancelling. By phone, text, e-mail, Facebook. It's so frustrating. An hour before "game time" I've got other things on my mind. Or I'd like to.
Last month I had a dinner party. 50% of the people dropped out in the last hour! We ended up with 6, which was fine. What was NOT fine was all the extra food. An unnecessary expense, for sure.
It's so frustrating. I'd love to do more but at this point, I'm still trying to figure out who's going to show up!
Not at my house! Though we're not really formal about it, we still love to set a table
and offer a planned-out menu in courses. So do our friends, or at least enough of them to keep the ball rolling. The memories are worth the extra effort
We enjoy our share of potlucks and milling-around parties too.
Traca, I wouldn't consider you a novice but if you want some advice, I'd say it's most important to indicate when you invite people that it is a dinner party! You may even want to include the menu so people will know it's not a potluck. An email invitation can still include the details, centered and in bold type, that indicate it's a special occasion.
Guests need to understand they can't "drop by" on their way to or from somewhere else. If that's what they offer to do you can say "this one's a sit-down dinner--but we're having a cocktail party next month..." People who aren't used to this kind of party need a little training. Some friends won't take to this but others will--they are the ones you'll continue to share dinner invitations with.
The other most important piece of advice is that you can't spend all your time in the kitchen. The menu has to have a lot of do-ahead dishes or quick fixes so that you can be seated with your guests. They may love your cooking but they mainly came to visit. If the event is all about the food, then you want to have a less formal party with everyone in the kitchen working together.
I was frustrated trying to throw dinner parties in my 20's when no one else was interested. Eventually I made friends with others who liked them, and some of the rest of my group grew into it. Now we're all pushing 60 and we need to sit down a lot anyway.
and offer a planned-out menu in courses. So do our friends, or at least enough of them to keep the ball rolling. The memories are worth the extra effort
We enjoy our share of potlucks and milling-around parties too.
Traca, I wouldn't consider you a novice but if you want some advice, I'd say it's most important to indicate when you invite people that it is a dinner party! You may even want to include the menu so people will know it's not a potluck. An email invitation can still include the details, centered and in bold type, that indicate it's a special occasion.
Guests need to understand they can't "drop by" on their way to or from somewhere else. If that's what they offer to do you can say "this one's a sit-down dinner--but we're having a cocktail party next month..." People who aren't used to this kind of party need a little training. Some friends won't take to this but others will--they are the ones you'll continue to share dinner invitations with.
The other most important piece of advice is that you can't spend all your time in the kitchen. The menu has to have a lot of do-ahead dishes or quick fixes so that you can be seated with your guests. They may love your cooking but they mainly came to visit. If the event is all about the food, then you want to have a less formal party with everyone in the kitchen working together.
I was frustrated trying to throw dinner parties in my 20's when no one else was interested. Eventually I made friends with others who liked them, and some of the rest of my group grew into it. Now we're all pushing 60 and we need to sit down a lot anyway.
That's a real problem. Miss Manners says that the only excuses for canceling once you've accepted a
dinner party invitation are 1) a medical emergency, and it had better involve an emergency room, or 2) a conflicting invitation from a head of state.
Tell that to flakey friends! The only solution is not to invite those same people next time you do a sit-down dinner. Re-invite the six who came and test out a few new faces.
dinner party invitation are 1) a medical emergency, and it had better involve an emergency room, or 2) a conflicting invitation from a head of state.
Tell that to flakey friends! The only solution is not to invite those same people next time you do a sit-down dinner. Re-invite the six who came and test out a few new faces.
Good advice. I would be pretty upset if someone cancelled on me.
I think the idea of a menu out ahead of time might help as long as it still looks like a sit-down dinner.
I wonder about using evites and if the reply of each guest, seen by the others, would seem like a real commitment to attend.
I can sure appreciate your frustration Traca.
I think the idea of a menu out ahead of time might help as long as it still looks like a sit-down dinner.
I wonder about using evites and if the reply of each guest, seen by the others, would seem like a real commitment to attend.
I can sure appreciate your frustration Traca.
cynupstateny
Well-known member
Attended a black tie yearly dinner party last week. Dinner for 12 and she hires a chef
and servers. DH hates it but I think it's fun and something different. And, after all, it's only once a year.
and servers. DH hates it but I think it's fun and something different. And, after all, it's only once a year.
I think it's important to realize that a sit-down dinner party is not everyone's cup of tea
forgive the thoughtless last-minute cancellations but also don't burden those people to such a strenuous obligation in the future. If you like dinner parties you will form a group who also like them and appreciate how special an invitation it is.
That being said, I HATE IT when people call at the last minute to cancel, and expect me to listen to their long, drawn-out excuse. Really? I have real guests coming in a half hour and I haven't even showered yet!
forgive the thoughtless last-minute cancellations but also don't burden those people to such a strenuous obligation in the future. If you like dinner parties you will form a group who also like them and appreciate how special an invitation it is.
That being said, I HATE IT when people call at the last minute to cancel, and expect me to listen to their long, drawn-out excuse. Really? I have real guests coming in a half hour and I haven't even showered yet!
barbara-in-va
Well-known member
So what is your definition of a "dinner party"? I am not sure I have ever hosted one...
I have friends over and serve sit down dinners fairly often but they are very casual. I have never given out invitations. I don't own china and I think we have some of DH's grandmother's silver plate utensils somewhere in the basement. I do have some lovely crystal but never use it.........
I have friends over and serve sit down dinners fairly often but they are very casual. I have never given out invitations. I don't own china and I think we have some of DH's grandmother's silver plate utensils somewhere in the basement. I do have some lovely crystal but never use it.........
cynupstateny
Well-known member
It's kind of corny. The hostess hires a pianist and makes everyone take part in the 12 days
of Christmas during drinks. Sat next to a bacteriologist who watched me eat a raw oyster and said he has tried to talk himself into tasting one for years but his training kicks in and he can't bring himself to do it. I told him he has no idea what he's missing.
of Christmas during drinks. Sat next to a bacteriologist who watched me eat a raw oyster and said he has tried to talk himself into tasting one for years but his training kicks in and he can't bring himself to do it. I told him he has no idea what he's missing.