Going to a friend's for Thanksgiving and I am kind of embarrassed

H

heather_in_sf

Well-known member
it's a friend of my mom's and she will be coming too, and I'm bringing my friend Deb, with whom I stayed for a month while recuperating from pertussis.

I'm doing that low-FODMAP diet now, per my doctor's recommendation, so basically the only thing I will be able to eat at Thanksgiving will be the turkey itself, possibly a vegetable depending upon what they have, or a salad!!!!! No carbs, unless they make rice, no stuffing, gravy, potatoes, cranberry, pie or rolls or whatever.

I don't want the hostess to feel bad that I am not eating her carefully crafted menu, nor do I even want to mention that I'm on a medically mandated food plan or my allergies, I am so very tired of being +that+ person. It will just be weird. At least I can have wine! I am also bringing gluten-free crackers and some pork rillettes for pre-dinner snacks.

face - desk....

 
How about offering to bring a side dish you know you can eat...

and then you can say my dr has me on a special diet, so you'd add something you can eat that others could partake of as well. Kind of a win/win for you and the hostess. (So sorry you can't partake of any of the traditional items.)

 
In comparison with the people I"ve been feeding lately, you'd be a breeze. Don't worry about it. I

think Maria has a great idea. I guess the question would be whether you ask the host about it first or just bring it. Only you will know.............

 
Just eat what you can and don't even mention anything

or talk about it. If asked or pressed about it just say "I'm really enjoying the things you have fixed that are on my list of eats."

 
I have intolerances to many of the vegetables and fruits on the low-FODMAP diet

such as potatoes and sweet potatoes, eggs and most fruits. The Doc is hoping by being on this diet for a while it might calm down my immune system so that the other intolerances might ease. I don't know!!

Thanks for the suggestions, I really feel stupid these days, dining out is tough - except for sushi and Thai!

My mom's friend's wife is Austrian and is an amazing cook, she has a menu in mind that she says are her family treats so I don't want to even go there in terms of suggesting changes or bringing things. My friend Deb is bringing an upscale version of the green bean casserole but I can't eat mushrooms or onions on low-FODMAP so I'll scrape off a bean or two!!!

 
Sure you don't want to bring something - does she know about your food issues?

Because as a hostess (and I admit I'm a bit anal about this and of course all are not like me) I'd want to be sure there was food for my guests to eat.

If I made all my food and when you showed up sat there and couldn't eat most of it, I'd feel bad about it (you never know what might even be in the salad you can't eat).

So, if you told me about your food issues (and I'd want to know) I'd be sure to make you something to eat. However, if you told me and coached it with how about I bring a dish to share given I'm limited by my dr on what I can eat, that would make me feel there was for sure going to be something you can eat (which would make me feel better) plus get me off the hook of having to make it.

So again win/win.

We do this all the time with my MIL who can't eat pepper - we make a little dish without for her, or salad not dressed/etc. and then the big dish for everyone else to share. It's not a big deal and everybody eats. (We don't do it with every dish of course, but enough to make sure she can eat.)

 
The list of things I cannot eat is so long right now.

I know exactly what you mean, as a hostess you want to provide the right experience and nurturing and fun for your guests. I just loathe the stories of people saying "I can't eat xyz so you can't make what you planned, so what are you going to make for me?" Normally I have been declining a lot of offers for meals explaining my restrictions are so limiting at the moment and don't want to put them out, but Thanksgiving dinner is a huge deal. Plus they have made this kind offer to host dinner for mom, and include me and my friend, and then I go and tell them I can't eat anything?! I just feel like a big heel. It's a lose-lose to me.

So here's the No list - some are here because of intolerances and some to low-FODMAP which is hopefully temporary:
eggs
potatoes
sweet potatoes
cauliflower
cabbage
fresh corn (polenta is ok)
wheat, rye, pumpernickle
beans
cucumber
peas
mushrooms
celery
onions, garlic, leeks, shallots (all aliums) except green onion tops
high-lactose cow based dairy (cream, sour cream, milk, ice cream, some cheeses)
soy milk
apples
apricots
pears
avocado
blackberry
melons
oranges or citrus except lemon/lime juice
peaches & similar
persimmons
pomegranite
strawberries
watermelon
asparagus
beets
anything with HFCS or artificial sweeteners
almonds
cashews
hazelnuts
pistachio


Isn't that just ridiculous!!! The doctor told me to write out a list of foods that I can eat and focus on those instead. I am working on this.

 
I wouldn't mind at all if you brought something you could eat to my house. better than watching you

scrape a few beans onto your plate. maybe some kind of rice/veggie dish that you could 100% eat, and share too. As a hostess, I wouldn't try to make everything to suit you, but I would sure try to make a few things. I have a food allergy too, so I understand this from both sides. If they know up front, then maybe no one makes a big deal out of it when they look at your plate and the questions start.

 
Heather, I don't know your mom, but my guess is that her friend may already know about

your restrictions and won't be offended. I'm with Maria--bring a vegetable side that all can enjoy, including you, and have a wonderful holiday.

 
Marg is right - you're a breeze! My girlfriend can eat about 5 things total...all white.

Not a grain of salt or pepper. I would call the hostess ahead of time and just let her know it's no reflection on her cooking if you eat lightly, and ask if you might bring xxx that you can eat.

Option 2: just eat what you can and probably no one will even notice.

 
Heather, I do understand how you feel but honestly, I think

you're stressing too much. Why don't you just be honest with her just as you have done here? Then ask if you could bring something like a rice dish that maybe some others would like also. I hope you can work through this so you can just enjoy the day with your family and friends.

 
Offer to bring a side dish, and simply tell her you are on a res triced diet per your physician

but it is temporary...no other explanation needed. tell her you will eat turkey and whatever else you can. Also tell you you wanted to let her know, so she would not be offended. If guests bring up why you are not eating this or that, simply say you are temporarily on a diet your Dr. prescribed, smile and let it go.

 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top