Ok folks, this cake was evil, eviiil I tell you!!! Here in lies your Halloween tale...
This cake fought me every-step-of-the-way.
Oh he was so smug, trying to foil me at every turn, but I never let him get to me:
• Batter bland? Ok, added cloves. Oh geez, that's a lot of cloves. The whole kitchen smells of cloves. Walk out of the house and back in, whew! Cloves. Maybe I added too many. Well, whatever. I'm baking you anyway.
• Now to get you out of that fancy pan. Umm-kay...clearly you weren’t feeling it. Break your stem off will you? Fine. You know I’m just going to put a marzipan hat err, I mean stem, on you so guess what? I really don't care. Yep, didn't even faze me, sorry pumpkin head. Is that all ya got?
• Bond your 2 sides with glaze and stick in fridge? Ok, but I don't trust you not to fall apart so let's not put you in upright since the instructions don't say which way, let's lay you on your side while the "glue" sets...good. Alrighty. Now that's done let's lift you off that cooling rack you were sitting on. Oh, guess you didn't like that since one whole side of you stuck to the rack and ripped completely off. Ok, we'll pretend we've cut a hole in back to, ya know, put a candle in or something. Sorry, but I've still got one whole side to be the front so...nope, that one didn't get to me either cake boy.
• The glaze...pours perfectly awesomely smooth – then instantly sets. It also runs off the center curve. Pouring more, pours more off the edge. Working quickly you can try to smear the underside, but that makes a mess of your already set icing. A real mess. This was not a good thing. Now pumpkin boy is giving me that blank "I'm gonna get you and your little dog too!" stare. (Thank gawd I don't have a dog.)
• Marzipan hat aka stem, was easy. Now I've covered up your broken stem you orange bowling ball you. Back in the fridge yet again with the more chillin' time. Then...hummm, how to plate you? Clinging to the rack is no longer an option mister, you're coming with me. Ta-da! Two spatulas did the trick. And I didn't even (heehee) drop the ball. Advantage: Maria.
• I'm late. The cupcakes are done, I’ve iced all the cookies I can get done, I'm trying to put on my costume so I'm thinking - just being a pumpkin will be good enough, yeah that's the ticket. Leave good enough alone.
• The blank cake stares at me...(the theme music from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly would be playing at this point) and that blank stare says..."hey girlie, really, is that all you've got? Gonna give-up now?" ...ummm, H*ll no. For that...now I'm going to cut you. Carve your face up like a pumpkin I am.
• I cut a face. *And then* read I need to pipe in the color. )#!@#$. I'm not dragging out the piping bags! Where is the parchment paper? The two colors of yellow glaze are sitting there already made. I can do this. I pipe the yellow mouth and instantly regret cutting the face. My first thought is: rabid, this thing is foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog. It tis spewing yellow ooze down the front of it's face like... like nothing I've ever seen before. The color, the texture, the transparency – the dried chunks...I grab a towel and wipe off the regurgitatedness of it all. It is so awful looking it doesn't even look Halloweenie. It is actually too gross for Halloween. This-is-bad. The pumpkin has now double dawged dared me but...it's done now so hey there, I really don’t give a jack.
• On to the eyes and nose. Can we just say – infection? The worst you've ever seen and be done with it? Really enuf said. I used a toothpick to create a zig-zag sawed effect around the edges, mainly to try and clean up the ooze, but hey that helped. Advantage back to me!
• Spiders, yeah no piping bag so not thin enough to really work, who cares? Not me. I gotta pack the car and go.
• I pack the car and think…craptastic, I didn't think about how pumpkin boy might take the bumps, but by now Jack --I seriously don’t care about you so wha-t evah.
• On the road. I forgot to get gas, I'm in a real bad part of town, I'm in this black angel outfit without my wings on so I look all goth-y, I'm worried about getting out of the car and standing out from the crowd because it's not Halloween yet, when I look around and...hey, I fit right in!
• Traffic. 3 hours later in what should have been a 1 hour ride on the freeway, I arrive. Jack does not. Jack gave it up and lost his battle to keep it together to fight another day.
• Victory was mine. I stuck a knife in and called him done. Hehehee...I win. And you have seen the pictures and now heard the tale to prove it!
Thanks to you all for you super nice comments and...Happy Halloween!!!!!!
