This one is recent...
This came about after Bubba and I had been at my son's elementary school, and he and my son watched and laughed at me while I tried to open someone else's white mini van for about thirty seconds with a dumb look on my face until I heard them snickering over at our van.
Bubba and the Raccoon.
We live out in the country on three acres where there are lots of critters running around. Well because of raccoons, Bubba, chief dog feeder, keeps the dog kibble in a large plastic trash can with a lid, on our deck. It was an older trash can and the lid wouldn't quite fit tight enough to make a good seal. A raccoon kept taking the lid off and eating the kibble. I know this because I saw the big thing eating out of the trash can, and he was a big sucker, kind of scary really. I am always afraid that wild animals, rodents mostly are going to bite me and latch on and I am going to have to shake/fling them off. Really, that is one of my phobias.
I told Bubba that I saw the big raccoon eating out of the trash can and he needed to get a new one because I didn't want that big thing on my
deck every night. He assured me that he could devise a way to keep the raccoon out using the old trash can. That night I looked at the trash
can and saw that Bubba had used some bungie cords to secure the lid. He had already gone to bed, so I decided to take the bungie cords off and tip over the can. The next morning I hear Bubba cursing to himself when he let the dogs out. Something like Damn Raccoon. I giggled to myself
quietly. I knew now that Bubba was on a mission, he would keep that Damn Raccoon out of the dog food, come hell or high water.
That night I looked out at the can, and this time he had taken the bungie cords and ran them through and under the handles in a very concise pattern that the Damn Raccoon would not be able to get open, I could barely get them off. I did the same as I had the night before and tipped the can over. Next morning, the same reaction only louder. Damn Raccoon! I could barely contain myself. The next night I went out to look at the trash can, and Bubba had taken this really gigantic black rubber band and had secured the lid on tight. I took the big rubber band off and laid it neatly on the wood holder, draping it just so. The next morning he called me out and was telling me about what he had done so far in order to keep the Damn Raccoon out of the dog food and that the Damn Raccoon was still getting in it. I suggested that he might need to buy a new trash can and was answered with a curt no way, only a little more colorful.
My son-in-law stopped by to pick up the kids, and I called to Bubba, "did you tell Steve about the Damn Raccoon?" Steve is his usual cohort in crime, they built a fog machine together using a 50 gallon drum, the 25 gallon drum wasn't big enough, but I digress. Bubba jumped out of his chair and took Steve out on the deck and started to recount all the ways he has been trying to batton this lid down and how the varmint was outsmarting him every time. Steve started to give him some advice and went to leave. I called Steve over and let him know what I had been doing. We were both practically in hysterics. Everyone loves to give it to Bubba. Steve relayed the story to my stepdaughter, who told her kids, I called my sister-in-law, my sister and told my sons, told my friends; poor Bubba. Everyone wanted a daily update so I started emailing everyone to keep them informed as to the Damn Raccoon status.
This went on for about two weeks, I started arranging whatever bungies or other devices he tried in decorative patterns, anything that would
help him figure out what was going on. He would put large weights and such, anything to try and keep the lid on tight. It was exhausting.
Finally, I asked him about the trash can and he was so pathetic, I broke Bubba's spirit. That night after he had imbibed a martini, I decided to tell him. I walked into the den and said, Bubba, I am the Damn Raccoon. He didn't get it. I had to repeat it. He still couldn't fathom it. Then I told him that I had been taking the lid off and everyone was in on it. He looked at me in disbelief. Then he started getting mad, but Bubba doesn't do mad for very long or very well, and he started laughing. I think he was just relieved that the Damn Raccoon wasn't more clever than him, but I don't think he likes it that I am. And now I wait for payback, and I know there will be payback and it will be bad.