1980's Spinach Bacon salad: Dynasty-style
1 bag of spinach, prewashed and exorcised with holy water.
1/2 to 1 lb of bacon, cut into 1" pieces and fried crisp, then blotted dry to remove all traces of guilt by association.
1 head of broccoli, cut into bite-size pieces, blanched in boiling salted water for 3 minutes, dunked immediately in iced water and dried completed.
1 8-oz package of fresh mushrooms, sliced.
1 package of tasty croutons (as opposed to not-so tasty croutons)
6 hard-boiled eggs, sliced
1 bottle of good honey-mustard salad dressing
First, tease your hair and line your lips.
Then mix the ingredients, adding dressing to taste.
Adjust your shoulder pads and leg-warmers while teasing hair higher.
Add vibrant green eyeshadow to your already pink eyelids.
Pretend--because you are eating a salad--that the bacon fat smearing your outlined lips doesn't count.
Have an affair with your twice-divorced step-daughter's third husband's personal assistant named Popeye.
Claim that amnesia and/or an allergy to hard-boiled eggs made you shoot J.R.