NFR Chat: Traca, I just saw your additional comments at the top post regarding The Visit

M

marilynfl

Moderator
The fact is: They have never come out and definitively said they are coming down here, neither to visit nor to go on a cruise. The mom HINTED three times via email that they would love to come down for a cruise in January and then have HINTED twice that New Baby would love to spend time with American Grandparents Marilyn & Larry.

Do I call them for no reason other than to say "No...you can't leave you child here while you cruise the Bahamas" when they haven't even asked? This is why I am concerned about them just showing up. Would someone actually do that??? Actually, it's the fact that the mom DID do that 2 years ago that concerns me. Called up crying from Canada and said they broke up and she needed to get away and could we pick her up at the airport?

And when she got here, it turns out they hadn't broken up at all...they just had a fight and she wanted some sunshine.

 
People show up w/o calling first?

Was she already at your airport for pick-up? You need caller-id.

I had someone recently tell me about someplace here they were going and when I asked where they were staying said my house. My response was, well you know I love you, but you aren't staying here. (My old boss always delivered bad news with "and you know I love you" and I stole that line from him.)

I don't think folks with babies/kids do things on such spur of the moment. They are on schedules and have lots of stuff that needs to go with them everywhere.

Since this sounds like it's been an email exchange, could you reply casually to one of their hints with something like, if you're going to be in our neck of the woods we'd love to see you. Since our place isn't child friendly just let us know where to meet up and we'll plan to stop by. (and then change the subject or use as a closing - would that work?)

 
I think Maria has the perfect response Marilyn. Sweetly lays out

your no cross line and forces her to get it out in the open. You need to get this finalized so you can stop stewing and feeling guilty about it. Buck up...you can do it. I love Maria's boss line. You know I love you but.....

 
I'm with Erin. The fact that they're dropping hints and getting no resistance...You

just might find short notice guests!

As much brain space as this has occupied, clear the air...and get your piece of mind back.

 
I'm also a believer in the pre-emptive strike. Don't leave anything in question or they'll "fill in

the blanks" the way THEY want them filled.

 
Agree; call. They can read & re-read your email and interpret it differently or

the way they want to. And then they could respond in an email with how their child is perfect and does not need a child proof home.... followed by lots of smiley faces : )

I am still shocked that someone would just show up and call from the airport!!

 
For those of us who grew up in southern California, it was not so rare an occurance.

Disneyland and all the tourist stuff in So Cal brought a fairly steady stream of relatives from the midwest and beyond.

Some would make prior arrangements, but many would just call, saying,"Hey there! We just rolled in and are wondering if we could get a shower and a cot for the night. We're headed for Disneyland tomorrow!".

Not so rare.

Michael

 
Ha, yes that's when you say

Oh I'm sure she's just lovely, but that doesn't work for us, but we can't wait to see you all,

And last resort is, XXXX, and you know I love you, but that's just not going to happen, let it go. (kind, simple, and to the point said with a smile)

Then change the conversation or offer to help find a hotel/motel. If they persist, laughingly cut them off with a: XXXX shhh: let.it.go. Goodness you're being like a dog with a bone...speaking of which, remember that time....

Channel your inner southern lady charm!

 
agree, good response. to bring up the subject, you could say since they might be in the planning

stages right now, you could recommend places to stay since your home was not really kid friendly.

 
I'd just call them and get it off my mind. You answered your own question about would someone

do that. Sounds like she's the one. You could just call and chat and ask if they had firmed up their plans saying that you would try to make time to see them (no more).

We used to have people visit us in the Caribbean. We'd invite them for 10 days, and there the dates need to be specific as we weren't always there. One couple came down with all arrangements firmed up ahead with us, and when they got there announced that they decided to stay for 2 weeks instead. It overlapped about one hour with the next couple of friends visiting. No break for us. But had there been an overlap of even just an entire day, I would have gently insisted that they would have to find a hotel rather than stay the extra 3 days. People can be so thoughtless when their own best interests are at stake. It was, after all, our vacation too.

Clearly, we're all in angst here, concerned with your invading 'guests'.

 
Marilyn - trust me...YES there people who would show up on your doorstep

With baggage and children in tow, with NO warning - and no apologies. You have to be clear at the outset. Some people have VERY thick skulls and subtle hints, or ignoring them will just not fly.

 
If you email them, DO NOT include the chocolate cake picture above.

I agree with the pre-emption. I think kind bluntness is in order, as in, "I gather you might be thinking about coming down for a cruise. Although we're looking forward to seeing you and the baby, I want to be clear now before you make plans that our home is not set up for kids so young. We'd be happy to help you find accomodations..."

You can do it, girl!

 
My parents lived in Cambria, a CA central coast village....

they had folks show up on their porch now and then. Dad kept empty luggage in the entry coat closet filled with bricks. When some one from out of town showed up unannounced, he brought out the luggage before answering the door. After he found out who, what, when and where, is when he determined to either say they were leaving or had just arrived back home. The luggage either went into the closet or into their bedroom (for unpacking later) Ha!

 
My appreciation to everyone who has commented on this topic. Each one

helps build up my confidence to verbally address this sticky situation.

 
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