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Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.

When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.

When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris once fought superman. The loser had to wear his underwear over his pants.

EDIT (a few more strictly food related):
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.

Chuck Norris can make a happy meal cry.

Chuck Norris uses hot sauce as eye drops.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

 
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