First consider ADHD, which is a chronic condition including attention difficulty, hyperactivity, and impulsiveness.
Next consider an avalanche: the weather is calm, the sun is shining and yet the smallest event can trigger a tumultuous snow slide. All hope is lost as it gathers speed and mercilessly obliterates EVERYTHING in front of it.
That’s kind of the way my mind works once I start house-cleaning.
Six months ago I opened my kitchen pantry to grab the balsamic and something moved. As movement is NOT expected when reaching for vinegar, it turned out I had weevils—weevils that I had BROUGHT into my own home courtesy of “fresh noodles” from a Chinese grocery in Orlando. I know this because I pulled out the wire drawer where I store the rice and noodles and there they were...just weeviling all over the noodles, the dirty, stinking rotten bastards...
(deep breathe...)
I immediately went into DEFCON 1, pulled everything out of the pantry, grabbed heavy-duty black lawn bags and began tossing. While 90% of the items were in sealed jars or canisters, I still imagined weevil egg infestation and so it all went.
Once the shelves were empty, I took the Dust Buster and scooped up any remaining dirty, stinking evil invaders. Then I scrubbed down the walls and sprayed the bejeesus out of interior with Eco Smart bug spray. When my reading glasses confirmed “dark spots” were just dings in the wood trim (not more weevils), I touched those up with white eyeliner.
Yep, you read that correctly.
Then I went into the utility room, took out the Dust Buster filters, sealed them in a bag and cleaned out the interior of the canister, sterilizing it with boiling water.
Then I noticed that the grout around the utility sink had imbedded dirt so I grabbed a used toothbrush, but was forced to apply an old barbeque skewer and nut pick before I was happy.
Then I opened the cabinet over the utility sink and noticed the cans were out of order. Beans. Chinese. Mexican. Tomatoes. Vegetables. Order, people! Otherwise, how do you know what’s available for dinner? So I shuffled those around until sanity once again reigned in the World of Aluminum Cans.
Then I swept up the floor with a small broom and noticed that several of the plastic whisks were bent, so I grabbed a pair of scissors and trimmed the broom.
(Are you getting nervous yet?)
When I tossed the broom trimmings into the trash, a food stain on the wall caught my eye and I wiped it away. As I tossed the cleaning rags into the washing machine, I noticed the agitator had a stain on it and removed that with Oxy-Clean.
(Definition of Irony: CLEANING a CLEANING MACHINE)
Then I noticed there was glue residue on the dryer and went online to find the right product so I wouldn’t scratch the surface. As I cleaned the smudged computer monitor, I glanced up at the dusty glass globes on the dining room chandelier. Sudsy Dawn and a good rinse with vinegar water later, my eyes went to our 16” Hopi Kachina doll sitting on its shelf on the living room wall. It is a delicate handmade piece of art that has sat there since Larry’s doctoral graduation in 2001 and by delicate, I mean the doll is costumed in leather clothing and covered with real feathers, all of which I was afraid to damage.
After searching the Internet (again) for the right cleaning method, the next hour of my life was spent Ever So Gently brushing each feather of this doll with a ½” artist's sable brush to remove accumulated dust.
Are you picturing this? Have you got a good image of me, delicately dust, dust, dusting a feather doll with a tiny brush. And when I was all done, I took my white eyeliner and touched up his wooden base.
I’m going to go online now to find pharmaceutical-grade drugs for people who dust feathers.
http://www.alltribes.com/catalog/product/gallery/id/16804/image/126429/
Next consider an avalanche: the weather is calm, the sun is shining and yet the smallest event can trigger a tumultuous snow slide. All hope is lost as it gathers speed and mercilessly obliterates EVERYTHING in front of it.
That’s kind of the way my mind works once I start house-cleaning.
Six months ago I opened my kitchen pantry to grab the balsamic and something moved. As movement is NOT expected when reaching for vinegar, it turned out I had weevils—weevils that I had BROUGHT into my own home courtesy of “fresh noodles” from a Chinese grocery in Orlando. I know this because I pulled out the wire drawer where I store the rice and noodles and there they were...just weeviling all over the noodles, the dirty, stinking rotten bastards...
(deep breathe...)
I immediately went into DEFCON 1, pulled everything out of the pantry, grabbed heavy-duty black lawn bags and began tossing. While 90% of the items were in sealed jars or canisters, I still imagined weevil egg infestation and so it all went.
Once the shelves were empty, I took the Dust Buster and scooped up any remaining dirty, stinking evil invaders. Then I scrubbed down the walls and sprayed the bejeesus out of interior with Eco Smart bug spray. When my reading glasses confirmed “dark spots” were just dings in the wood trim (not more weevils), I touched those up with white eyeliner.
Yep, you read that correctly.
Then I went into the utility room, took out the Dust Buster filters, sealed them in a bag and cleaned out the interior of the canister, sterilizing it with boiling water.
Then I noticed that the grout around the utility sink had imbedded dirt so I grabbed a used toothbrush, but was forced to apply an old barbeque skewer and nut pick before I was happy.
Then I opened the cabinet over the utility sink and noticed the cans were out of order. Beans. Chinese. Mexican. Tomatoes. Vegetables. Order, people! Otherwise, how do you know what’s available for dinner? So I shuffled those around until sanity once again reigned in the World of Aluminum Cans.
Then I swept up the floor with a small broom and noticed that several of the plastic whisks were bent, so I grabbed a pair of scissors and trimmed the broom.
(Are you getting nervous yet?)
When I tossed the broom trimmings into the trash, a food stain on the wall caught my eye and I wiped it away. As I tossed the cleaning rags into the washing machine, I noticed the agitator had a stain on it and removed that with Oxy-Clean.
(Definition of Irony: CLEANING a CLEANING MACHINE)
Then I noticed there was glue residue on the dryer and went online to find the right product so I wouldn’t scratch the surface. As I cleaned the smudged computer monitor, I glanced up at the dusty glass globes on the dining room chandelier. Sudsy Dawn and a good rinse with vinegar water later, my eyes went to our 16” Hopi Kachina doll sitting on its shelf on the living room wall. It is a delicate handmade piece of art that has sat there since Larry’s doctoral graduation in 2001 and by delicate, I mean the doll is costumed in leather clothing and covered with real feathers, all of which I was afraid to damage.
After searching the Internet (again) for the right cleaning method, the next hour of my life was spent Ever So Gently brushing each feather of this doll with a ½” artist's sable brush to remove accumulated dust.
Are you picturing this? Have you got a good image of me, delicately dust, dust, dusting a feather doll with a tiny brush. And when I was all done, I took my white eyeliner and touched up his wooden base.
I’m going to go online now to find pharmaceutical-grade drugs for people who dust feathers.
http://www.alltribes.com/catalog/product/gallery/id/16804/image/126429/