Ok, it's 2 am and I've tried to pass this up, but I can't. I've already deleted 2 other messages.
MARY ON THE HALF-SHELL:
Look, I'm Irish Catholic and I'm as good an Irish Catholic as I can possibly be, but give me a break here....Sunday after Sunday I put those dry, tasteless "bodies of Christ" on my tongue, and we were taught never to let our teeth touch the body of Christ, but sometimes it got so stuck to the top of my mouth that I didn't know what to do and my parents hated it when we looked distracted and fidgeted in our pews, so I'd just keep trying to lubricate my mouth to get Jesus off my palate, and finally he'd let go and slide down into my stomach, but that didn't make me feel all that much better cos where'd he go from there? I was taught by nuns (the penguins ones) and they used to tell us that "God was everywhere", so I asked one day, "Is he is in my milk?", and I got slapped with a ruler so hard that I knew until I was 50 years old that God was, indeed, in my milk. And I'm still afraid to drink milk. What would he think of me?
REC: Little Religious Figures on the Half-Shell (if you know Lost, you'll know what I mean)
Little tiny Mary statues(or tiny figure of your choice)
raw oysters or clams or whatever
cocktail sauce
slices of lemon
In Massachusetts, you can't drive by a neighborhood without seeing a Mary or Joseph or Jesus on the half-shell. Now, I'm sorry if I'm offending anyone, but it is late and I am feverish, so you'll have to forgive me. But people around here dig holes in the ground and put those old (really expensive now) claw-footed bathtubs into the ground and stick statues of all sorts of religious figures in them.
If I'm not offended by that, how can I be offended by anything?
Mimi, I'm so sorry I couldn't just keep my mouth shut. Please keep me. Where else will I be accepted? No, really. Please don't kick me out, just send me a PM telling me to be more PC. OK?
)