This is my time of night, so I'm starting a new thread. Meryl, where are you?

clofthwld

Well-known member
I'm alone out here.

Anyway, for X-mas, I've ordered a shoot-load of retro candy to give to the kids. Plastic lips, mustaches, candy necklaces, wax bottles of some sort of liquid, root beer barrels, Necco wafers, Good 'n Plenty, bubblebum cigars, rock candy, candy cigarettes, blow pops, etc.

I have a friend who is a therapist and she thinks that giving the kids candy cigarettes or cigars is bad, bad.

When I was a kid I dressed up like Gene Autry and had a holster with a silver gun and used to make like I had a wounded leg while riding my tricycle with one foot. I ate all that stuff and, though I admit I'm a bit demented, I think I'm more normal than most people. I haven't killed my husband yet.

 
I knew a lady who had been married 55 years. She said she never once thought about divorce...

...but had, on numerous occasions thought about murder.

Michael

 
I've never thought of divorce either. I just smile sweetly and say: do you want to die in ...

your sleep or see it coming? either way I'll oblige you! LOL

fortunately, I'm married to a great guy and don't have to say that too often smileys/smile.gif

 
Great line!!!!!! Love it! (I might not say it so sweetly....... smileys/wink.gif

Some weeks are just plain ole tough! ha

 
I've only been married 15 years, but I think about murder often.

Let me list why:

1. We live in a split level, so we have 4 flights of stairs. If I'm in the kitchen and something needs to go up a flight or 2, I'll leave it on the stairs until one of us has to go up. He will pass by it 20 times without noticing it's there and I will finally bring it up myself.

2. Football Sundays - He'll be in the livingroom watching tv. I'll be on the 4th floor doing laundry. He yells up the stairs, "Honey, I'm hungry", and I think to myself, "Ok, you've got 1 brain, 2 arms, 2 legs, a refrigerator, food, stove, ability, need! What's the problem?" But I cook him something anyway. He's inept in the kitchen.

3. He leaves his dirty socks on the coffee table.

4. When he's not working he's playing poker on the computer. He bets on football and bangs on things when his team screws up.

5. He doesn't know how to use the washer and dryer. He puts things on the wrong cycle and puts the dryer on "fluff". Fluff doesn't dry things.

6. He doesn't just salt his food, he salts the entire table. He never pushes in his chair.

7. He will use the same bath towel for a year unless I change it for him.

8. He calls the chair in his bedroom "his closet". Yes, he has his own bedroom. He claims I snore, which is such an absurd accusation.

9. He used to say excuse me when he burped or f*rted, but now he doesn't bother. He chuckles.

10. He won't eat potatoes (I'm Irish), tomatoes, yellow squash, zucchini, green or yellow beans, beans of any variety, fish, Indian food, Japanese food, (he hates curries and black beans and miso), carrots, squash of any kind, most cheese.

11. He hates all the movies I love. He likes Steven Seagal, Clint Eastwood (the old ones), John Wayne, all the Lethal Weapon films. (When we first met he watched "The Piano" in a catatonic state)

I could continue, but I think I've made my case here. Would anyone blame me for pulling the trigger?

 
This is the base premise for half the sitcoms on TV in the last 20 years.

Murder would simply be a case of putting him out of your misery.

My Dad was almost this selfish. Not quite, but almost.

Michael

 
I am pretty sure this came from Mrs. (Rev.) Billy Graham...

I am almost certain it was in a documentary on Rev. Graham that Mrs Graham was asked if she had ever thought of divorce (because all the long hours and travelling etc. that her husband did for years would be hard on any marriage) and that was her response. I remember being so surprised that she would say a thing like that - I thought how down to earth "Real" she seemed - and so funny!

 
then you need to go to "plan B".....

which goes like this....

"you know, it's never too late to become a lesbian. the relationship may not be easier but at least I'll more help around the house and a partner who understands the importance of choclate!"

smile knowingly....

men are helpess when faced with this... LOL

 
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