This may sound odd, but can we start a Funeral Foods thread?

M

mariadnoca

Moderator
Food to drop off/etc. I went to one, but knew of 2 funerals this past Monday. That service didn't include going back someplace to eat, but it left me with the thought of wanting to maybe drop something off. (Do people still do this?) I have no idea if she is even back to work yet or with her mom, the widow, so I may just make a lemon poundcake or something(???) I can just leave on the porch, but this got me thinking...do you have traditional dishes you make that are "funeral food?"

In this case it's still within the first week (her dad passed last Friday) so believe it's still the Shiva period, but I'm not familiar if that has food requirements/restrictions - she as far as I know she does not keep kosher.

 
I can tell you from personal experience that too much food can be a burden---where to put it all.

especially if it needs to be in the fridge. People tend to drop off large platters etc from Costco these days. I would say baked goods or fast hearty snacks like granola bars and fruit baskets are good and easy to take care of. a casserole for later, say in a few weeks, is really appreciated. when all the family and company are gone and there is lots of alone time and not much gumption to cook a hot meal, a casserole and fixins for an easy meal would be much appreciated.

 
Several months ago I had the same situation. I live in a very

Jewish Condo complex and I had no idea what to take. I did some searching online and I came up with a small platter like this since I just don't know enough about food restrictions and didn't want to make a mistake. I bought a nice low sided dish and filled it with nuts, dried fruit and chocolate covered peanuts. It looked really nice and she thanked me later and told me how well received it was.

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.nuts.com/images/twotrays.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.nuts.com/lp/shiva-platters&h=276&w=500&sz=46&tbnid=-LyYx4C8sUpQjM:&tbnh=67&tbnw=122&zoom=1&usg=__fSZjgnRwzZy-Ui99mwkPOUBvRzU=&docid=uSvjeDSyT_sgGM&hl=en&sa=X&

 
My nephew is in palliative care and someone found this great site..

..that friends and family have been using for the apst thee months. Groups can organize a schedule where individuals can pick days to drop off meals.Off topics slightly, but its such a good find if someone is in this situation. http://www.takethemameal.com/

 
We did this for my SIL when she had my niece - it worked great...

This is a work friend, and though I know some folks, don't know the rest of the family/etc well enough to set this up.

Also, now that I've read more, thinking maybe shiva might be taking place at her mom's house (and don't know her address) so if I drop off food at my friend's home, she might not find it till later - so that leaves out a casserole or w/e idea unless I pack it with ice. She may be checking email, but might seem rude to ask about coordinating dropping something off? Also, while not Orthodox, I don't know if her mom keeps kosher (she doesn't/the recent Bat Mitzvah wasn't). I realized at the service her father was quite involved in their synagogue / in demand across the US as a singer (cantor?). I don't know enough how all this works.

Bagels and a jar of homemade jam?

 
When my sister's long time beau died suddenly last summer & I went to stay with her

We were absolutely awash in big packages of fried chicken that people picked up, but little else. She is normally a light & healthy eater, plus she was literally almost sick at what had happened. It was a long time (weeks & weeks) before she felt like cooking or feeding herself. Soup especially, or some salads or veggies & lighter things would have been good during hot Texas Summer. One thing that did go over well - a close friend brought a couple of quarts of yogurt, bananas, peaches & strawberries for smoothies since she knew she practically lived on them during the Summer. I could have cooked, but there were virtually no groceries in the house & I didn't want to leave her to go shopping. There were no breakfast things. We ran out of coffee & had to go to the store for that. Wine was nice too...

She really would have appreciated things brought by for a long time after he died.

 
I agree with this - it is especially nice to be remembered in the weeks after

all of the "activity" of the funeral and visiting family has passed. One of the nicest things I remember after my Dad passed was someone bringing over some bread/bagels and sandwich makings - then people could eat when and how they pleased with little fuss. A pot of homemade soup was also welcome.

About a week after my dear MIL passed, one of the neighbors brought a coffee cake by - that was also a big hit for breakfast, a snack, or just a little nibble when you appetite is low. Another welcome thing was a turkey dinner - this was coordinated beforehand, and very nice.

 
For close friends I do an entire dinner that...

I coordinate with them for arrival when they are ready for it. I usually do a roasted chicken or turkey (depending on the size of the crowd to feed) with homey sides such as baked mac and cheese or dressing, green bean casserole or corn pudding, tossed salad, and a chocolate cake or brownies.

Makes things so much easier and convenient for everyone and it helps alleviate stress.

I deliver only homemade food from my kitchen. I never buy trash from stores to take anywhere (potluck, party, etc.).

rant on...
But this trend for potlucks whereby everyone now thinks that if they bring chips and salsa from the local grocery, everything is covered, is just wrong. I went to party once where a couple dozen containers of salsa and a another couple dozen bags of chips were toted in for people's "sides". And then people complained there was nothing to eat!

My contribution was dive bombed and gone in 3 minutes when it was set out. I didn't even get to taste it.

There was a group in my office building doing a "Bake Sale" to raise money for some cause. They were pulling people over to their "bake sale" in the lobby. I went over, curious since I hadn't seen a bake sale for a long time...EVERYTHING sitting out for sale was purchased from grocery stores. And we're talking packaged cookies from cookie aisle (not even the chem-dough the deli departments bake and pretend its "homemade"), pre-packaged pies and doughnuts, etc. They were literally pulling out cookies from the Chips Ahoy bag and setting out 6 to a paper plate. I just walked away in disbelief.

rant off...

 
Sandwich makings were great too.

Most people who came by weren't there for meals, but when we started cleaning his house out all the helpers needed lunch when we took a break.

 
Pet peeve too! One way we got around that at work was to have Bake or Cook-offs

Then at least you get homemade items. Folks end up getting into it given all those competitive cooking shows.

However, polucks, dear lawd, folks should be ashamed at some of the stuff they bring.

 
I'm with you Richard - I once went to a Christmas cookie exchange

Where TWO of the 8 stopped by the store on the way and bought cookies. REALLY?! I would've been mortified.

 
I think the ideal funeral food is comforting, low maintenance and freezable. Foil pans are handy

so the bereaved can reheat easily and not worry about returning containers.

Unless I have the opportunity to ask what is needed, I like to drop off Chicken stew (my Provencal chicken is my go-to. It's the one I'm always trying to get people here to try--now the word is out that it's funeral food) lasagna or other baked pasta such as ziti, homemade bread, soups, etc.

I write the contents and simple cooking instructions on the foil lid with a felt pen--labels can get lost.

 
Ditto on all you said Richard. I never bring anything purchased anywhere - unless it is a great ..

bottle of wine.

 
I've been thru more shivas and shiva calls than Ilike to remember. Basically, if you are close to

the family bring something - either for them to eat when they are alone (which is almost never during the mourning period) or to serve. We were lucky to have a few friends and mothers of my kids friends who brought us ethnic meals.
My aunt had a funny story about a widower who asked her out to dinner and when he arrived he brought a cake. She offered him a drink and after a long time when he made no
motions to go to dinner and she was hungry she suggested
they taste the cake. Oh yes, he replied, It should be excellent. It is one of those from the freezer left over from
the shiva when my wife passed away.
When Uri, DH, passed away, we had so many cakes, cookies and borekas(a staple here)- most from the top bakeries and we were giving them away to
the young people who came or we could have opened our own bakery.
Most people serve soft drinks, coffee , tea and the above.
Here nuts are usually out on the table also.
The article posted was pretty good. Most people I know
are not religious and so do not do the prayers. But talking about the deceased is most important and usually there are picture albums around.

 
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