Nfrc: I am struggling w being a Karen…

M

mariadnoca

Moderator
When I’m organized, I’m very organized. Being organized and organizing others was a big chunk of my career. in an emergency, my brain automatically goes into organizing mode. However, not everyone is me: good ol organized Annie, no matter how helpful and well meaning they are. Which brings me back to struggling to not be a Karen and telling others you are doing this meal w my cancer neighbor all wrong. I need to leave it a mess and keep my mouth shut, but all of you, who also understand organizing meals, because we are cooks, bakers, and food entertaining enthusiasts know my angst.

They used a website that is not meal train to organize folks bringing food, meal train is very good, but like a bad potluck signup, this site doesn’t make them list what they are bringing. So, as a result, they could get lasagna every night. It also allows folks to take up a calendar day w a gift card for door dash. So, currently the next two weeks are nothing but door dash gift cards. If I want to bring them a nutritious cancer healthy dinner instead, I have to contact them directly outside the calendar, creating just one more thing for them to deal with besides cancer. Ugh.

I would not be so bent about this if it wasn’t someone so important to me, and someone who I read with this particular cancer nutrition is a key component for survival. Bc they have to throw a lot of really heavy drugs at her, and bolstering the health of her body is listed as an absolute must.

So, I’m thinking of just asking them to let me take over one standing day of the week. Like, every Sunday or something like that. Do you think that would be too busy body of me?
 
wow...that is a LOT and you explained it very clearly. I had no idea of the door dash idea...never having used any system like that (Instacart, etc or even delivery from a pizza shop).

I think your one day a week is excellent. it can be blocked off on the calendar, you can make requests of something the rest of the family is craving and fulfill her nutritional needs.
 
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marilynfl said:
wow...that is a LOT and you explained it very clearly. I had no idea of the door dash idea...never having used any system like that (Instacart, etc or even delivery from a pizza shop).

I think you're one day a week is excellent. it can be blocked off on the calendar, you can make requests of something the rest of the family is craving and fulfill her nutritional needs.
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Yeah, and the site doesn’t share how much the gift card is for, so it could be enough to order from a nice restaurant, or order a dominos pizza. Who knows. I’d rather cook for them every day than have her eat that kind of thing. Only one person, out of about 20 who signed up listed what they would bring: a Costco rotisserie chicken. (I believe Costco is currently being sued over what they inject into those chickens.) Does no one cook anymore?
 
I think an anticipated one-day-per-week meal is going to be a huge plus for the recipient/s when they will know they can expect the best and look forward to it. And that is what would be most important. Just do it. And thank you.
 
I don't think you are being a Karen. Karens (sorry to the real Karens that don't deserve this) are not nice. You are being overly nice and considerate. I have found myself in this same type of situation for people that were sick, after someone died, and all sorts of situations and I learned to speak up and just say, hey, everybody, tell us what you are cooking. I stepped in to help the Nurture Team at my church, well sort of former church, and basically set up a database and newsletter/email to make sure that we were providing the right things at the right times - this was a long time ago before we were all on social media and had so many apps and such like the meal train apps. Maybe I was being a Karen but I can honestly say that I took that team to a level the lady that started it never dreamed it could be, a level that no other church around here had ever seen or thought about. But she was also the reason I stepped away from that and the church. So I say, go for it if you can and want to do one day a week.
 
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