Dear Prudence's column today addressed dietary considerations at a wedding

M

melissa-dallas

Well-known member
If you are in any doubt that "entitlement syndrome" rules in our society today just read the comments. It's ONE MEAL. They should be polite and eat what they like/can and shut up about it and have a snack when they get home. Half the people now have "fashionable" allergies anyway. A tummyache or gas or other mild problem with a food is not an allergy.

 
Amen...

You should see how quickly my eyes glaze over as I'm mentally placing an invited guest on the "Do not ever invite again list" when I start getting the Spanish Inquisition about what I'm serving at a party or dinner and a lecture about what they can/cannot/chose to/choose not to eat.

I don't care. I'm not running a restaurant at their pleasure.

 
What started the thread was a woman who had an R.S.V.P.

card for a wedding. She said that it did not include any information on it for checking a dietary preference and she wondered if she should call the bride and remind her she is a vegetarian. Gee, you think that might be a hint they'll feed you what they choose or can afford? That there might be a buffet rather than a plated meal? Punch and cake and that is it?

 
fashionable allergies, gotta love that..

dh's of the family all have "horrendous" food allergies, they can't eat wheat, dairy, corn, meat, soy, sugar, nuts, mushrooms, and whatever else is fashionable for the day, oh, and alcohol will kill them. even two of the dogs have allergies to wheat, rice and beef. after my sil's started this them mil came down with all the same symptoms, at age 55. i don't cook for them, heck don't even like them enough to cook for them. we politely suggest that we go out. surprisingly enough, my 3 kids and dh have no problem with any foods at all, and our dog is alive and well on dog food and table scraps, go figure

 
funny thing...

sil's will order salads, no dressing, no croutons, with lemon and bring their own water, mil does the same when she is with them, but i have seen her "secretly" inhaling chocolate, doritos and roast goose. the girls grew up eating peanut butter, pork and pizza etc. such a shame that people can't enjoy what is necessary to keep them alive.

 
I looked it up and here's the text. What is so amazing to me is the assumption

on the part of the writer that they could order themselves a special meal at a wedding. Since when do RSVP cards have space for dietary restrictions? All the vegetarians I know can politely navigate a buffet or ask the waiter for a favor, as Prudence suggested.


Q. Wedding Etiquette—Vegetarian: My cousin invited me to her wedding. The RSVP card does not include a space to indicate dietary restrictions. I know she knows I am a vegetarian, but I know in the hectic wedding planning phase, sometimes these things get dropped. Should I write it on the RSVP or mention it to her? Is that considered rude? Thank you!
A: Your cousin is a bride, not a nutritionist. She doesn't want to get RSVP cards informing her that people are on sodium-restricted diets, don't eat gluten, or are vegetarians. At the wedding, before you get served, you can tell the waiter that you'd like a plate without the steak. Then plan to eat the salad and keep your food needs to yourself.

 
I should add that when I'm catering I am often asked about ingredients a guest may be allergic to,

or if there is hidden bread or gluten in something, or what is vegetarian or vegan. Most people are polite and appreciative and I'm happy to find them something to eat.

Then there is the occasional "Spanish Inquisition" as Richard describes it. Please, I'm not trying to poison anyone. It's just food!

 
I get anaphylaxis with peanuts and ask about things I'm not sure ofbut half these people have

never had allergy testing or even understand what an allergic reaction is. And I can't believe that what seems to be half the people in a given set have all of a sudden developed celiac disease. Remember way back when-there was a similar craze with yeast-free and that yeasts were killing everyone. If I truly had celiac disease (which is very serious) I'd be offended by all the idiots that have diagnosed themselves with this.

When the office orders Chinese food I just say "Thanks, but I can't". Should I demand that they have a special delivery from someplace else set up just for me? These people should get over themselves.

 
I wonder if she is aware of the bezillion germs and bacteria the average restaurant lemon wedge

has on it? I don't touch them after reading that report. One of the single-most contaminated things in a restaurant from the way they are handled and stored.

 
Funny on the timing...I just got an invite to a nice old-fashioned

German wedding.

The RSVP card asks me to select Filet, Salmon, or Pork Chop.

No problemo. I know my hosts.

I'm going with the PORK.

LOL

 
Gene and I owned a Liquor Barn for twelve years in our community

people would rent kegs of beer and buy liquor for weddings. A few times when the kegs were brought back we were told that guests actually left because the beer was not micro brew! Or that THEIR brand of liquor was not on the line up. So rude. A wedding or any event it not about the liquor - or is it??

 
LOL, maybe to some people it is. You'd think they'd at least pretend to be there for the sake of the

happy couple, and not just for the free food and drink.

 
Years ago, I noticed that some of the ladies in our neighborhood all of a sudden

had Hypoglycemia. I had never heard of it and wondered why these ladies had it. As the weeks went on I ran into others who were diagnosed with it. Is this something docs do..."let's get all these people on this pill and see how they do" type of thing. My trend is to stay healthy and when I do get sick, I do so privately, stay home and get better before I go out into the world again and spread it around.

 
Agreed, in this part of the country, the free booze will be consumed whether the food is...

eaten or not.

Most of the weddings I have attended are of basic country folk, and these issues just never come up. They eat food; they drink what is served.

But the "city" weddings and gatherings. Oy!

What is becoming of this nation when people feel so entitled to make such demands on the generosity of their hosts?

True Story: I had an open house supper a couple years back. Mid-winter, nothing going on. The food was simple, basic, and good. Pots of beef stew, simple salad, bread, and steamed puddings for dessert. I offered beer and soda. It wasn't a cocktail party. It was dinner.

I had people all over me demanding red wine. Guests had brought host gifts of wine, and after all that was opened, I had to go downstairs to the cellar to find wine. I refused to bring up and open the expensive stuff that I had stored in my cellar and I soon ran out of wine that I was willing to open. They were obviously put out that I wasn't pouring fine French Bordeaux down their throats. Sometimes large house parties can be such trying events.

But really. I'm serving beer and soda. Can't they just drink one of those?

Another party, a backyard brat grill out with the German works, I was serving our housemade beer, homemade birchbark beer, and homemade lemonade.

Most of it went untouched.

Well I want a sprite, I want a 7-up with sugar, I want a 7-up without sugar, I want a cola with no caffeine and no sugar, I want, I want, I want, I want...

I was not happy. Sometimes I just wonder why I even bother.

 
and I have to say...

this is not a problem with my 6-8 people (dare I say it?) "Intimate Candlelight Suppers". They eat and drink everything served to them.

It's the big open houses where acquaitances and friends of guests that I don't know arrive...the crowd that feels they are empowered to order as if they are in a pub or restaurant.

I have a very very dear friend with an "onion allergy" and I cannot serve any onions. I love her so much that I cannot knock her off the guest list and I have simply learned to plan for her--any onion that I need to put into a dish is pureed. There are no "visible" traces of the dreaded onion, but the flavor is there and she is none the wiser and I am happy. Been doing this for 30 years now. So yes, she has no "onion allergy".

But I do understand the peanut allergy. Almost served a friend a cookie with ground walnuts. But it's not a walnut allergy is it? Are all nuts forbidden or do those people just take extra precautions since the mega-food conglomerates love to put peanuts in everything, included nut mixes? I truly don't know. BUt I do know what I buy and what I cook, and my cookie only had walnuts in it.

I understand that allergies exist: My college orchestra on tour in Europe. A peanut-allergist went to a Chinese restaurant and ate the food. No there are no peanuts. Hello? Foreign country and Chinese restaurant. Needless to say, he died in the subway as the valiant friends tried to get him to hospital. You can imagine... What a tragedy that was.

"Hello, we don't live here, but our friend is dying and we need a hospital because he ate peanut oil in a Chinese restaurant. Can you direct us to the nearest hospital?"

He died on the platform. Never minding the gap.

I just hate this pernicious entitlement that Americans have now that they think they can come in and expect their hosts to cater to their every whim, and to have the required food or beverage on hand.

And I promise not to serve peanuts at any gathering. Not only do I know that they can be lethal, I loathe peanuts and peanut butter and seldom use them. Don't even think about slipping me cold sesame noodles and subbing peanut butter for sesame paste! Actually, I would eat them with a smile. But I would know the difference. I don't have an allergy.

Case in point: there is peanut butter cup ice cream in my freezer that was served to peanut loving friends. I ****INHALE**** ice cream--it's one of the 5 major food groups. Will I touch the peanut butter-tainted stuff? Not on your life! So while I don't care for the taste, I DON'T have an "allergy" but have been known to consume peanuts when I need to.

But then, it's my house and I do what I want.

And then I thought, when I arrived at the fabulous Cathy Z's, I brought her Trader Joe's Thai peanuts. That fabulous mix of Kaffir Lime, chiles, and peanuts. It's so perfect sprinkled on cold noodles, etc. But the extraordinary tastes of the chiles and kaffir lime, for me, totally disguise the peanut thing. And I can do that.

Because it is not an allergy but a preference.

 
When I was very young and married-probably 22 or 23

We lived way out in the country and I commuted 60 miles one-way to Dallas to work. I got up at 4:30 a.m., left the house before 5:30 and didn't get home until about 6:30 (if I was lucky). All I had time for during the week was to take care of the pets, cook dinner, clean up the kitchen and go to bed. This left lots of work for the weekend just getting ready to go again for the week. I was always exhausted. My husband and one of his buddies would decide without asking me that I was to have houseguests for the weekend. One time I had done the same type thing. Had made a lovely pot of stew so I could do it ahead of time and homemade bread. When we started talking about eating, the friend said that his girlfriend didn't eat red meat. Don't remember what we did for dinner-very few restaurants in our small town and it was twelve miles away. Same couple came down a few weeks later and at some point they decided they wanted to go out for HAMBURGERS. I HATED her.

 
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