Dinner at the Foodies’: Purslane and Anxiety

richard-in-cincy

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Interesting article on food obsession from the New York Times

By KATHERINE WHEELOCK

Published: June 6, 2007

RICHARD FAULK still recalls, with a twinge of shame, the day he and his girlfriend, Jeanine Villalobos, served store-bought tortillas to guests.

The two, who live in Park Slope, Brooklyn, make most of the elements of the meals they serve from scratch, and spend whole days going to farmers’ markets, cheese shops and specialty stores. They would no sooner dress a salad with a store-bought vinaigrette than serve a suspicious-smelling piece of fish.

“We’re a little self-conscious about being the foodie couple,” said Mr. Faulk, who teaches at Berkeley College in Midtown Manhattan. “But we don’t make everything. I haven’t started curing my own olives or making my own cheese.”

Dinner parties have been fraught with performance anxiety for as long as people have given them. Soufflés, cribbed from the pages of glossy food magazines, have been attempted and botched. Painstakingly wrought amuse-bouches have received lukewarm receptions.

But for some hosts in the age of the armchair Boulud, even a laid-back dinner with friends can be a challenge to their sense of self-worth. They may not care whether they wear Gap or couture. Their place in the Hamptons might be a share. But they would no sooner serve their guests grocery-case Drunken Goat cheese than a Vogue minion would wear an Ann Taylor dress to a party given by Anna Wintour.

Especially in New York, where there are fewer status indicators (like cars and landscaped lawns), adjectives like local, organic and free range are signifiers of taste. In some homes, primarily midcentury modernized homes in metropolitan areas with his and hers subscriptions to The Art of Eating and an embargo on iceberg lettuce, the pork, the mesclun, the salad dressing — they’re all under scrutiny.

“Entertaining and cooking have become an integral part of how certain people demonstrate their cultural cachet,” said Joshua Schreier, a history professor at Vassar College who lives in Harlem and says he is a victim, and a propagator, of culinary anxiety. “There is a specific cachet that only a fiddlehead fern can convey. Saying, ‘I got this olive oil from this specific region in Greece,’ is like talking about what kind of car you have. And people don’t want to be associated with the wrong kind of olive oil. It becomes less about having people over and more about showing off your foodie credentials.”

Colleen McKinney, a freelance food writer and editor who lives in Brooklyn, said: “Food is cocktail party conversation. You cook it and then you talk about it all night long.”

Ms. McKinney is generally confident in the kitchen, except when it comes to one particular couple. When they have her over, dinner might be asparagus three ways, fresh pasta with sausage they made themselves and rhubarb pie with vanilla ice cream — homemade vanilla ice cream. When they go to her house for dinner, they take their own pickled ramps.

“It’s become very important to be all Alice Waters,” said Serena Bass, the Manhattan caterer. “Everyone wants to know where the poor pig you’re serving came from.”

Ms. Bass also pointed out that the new strain of entertaining anxiety extended well beyond food. “You can’t just serve purslane,” she said. “You have to serve purslane on Limoges you found in a Connecticut consignment shop with a fork that has a carved ivory handle you found in a flea market somewhere.”

Andy Birsh, owner of a letterpress print shop in Brooklyn, would rather make a mad, stressful dash to Brighton Beach for smoked sturgeon an hour before guests arrive for dinner than serve the kind he can buy from a market around the corner. And for him, serving a dish that is on the menu at several good restaurants in the city right now — a fava bean salad with shaved pecorino, for instance — would be like being caught reading “The Lovely Bones” right after Oprah Winfrey endorsed it.

“As soon as something becomes overpopularized, I don’t want to serve it anymore,” Mr. Birsh said. “I wouldn’t want anyone to be able to identify something I made as being from a book or a restaurant. I don’t want anyone to be able to say, oh, I see where he got this idea to put microgreens on top of his fish fillets.”

As a graduate of the French Culinary Institute and restaurant critic for Gourmet in the late ’80s and early ’90s, Mr. Birsh may have above-average pride when it comes to his cooking. But it is not out of the ordinary for hosts in this intensely food-cognizant dinner party circuit.

For them, home entertaining can become the white whale. It turns docile cooks into aggressive obsessives, the way an engagement can turn a well-meaning woman into bridezilla or how fatherhood can make a laid-back guy an apoplectic soccer dad.

“My ex got caught up in it,” said a Brooklyn woman who is going through a divorce and asked that her name not be used. “For a while, it was great. Until it wasn’t. We had a birthday party for our 1-year-old son and I ordered pizza. He spent another $1,000 on food. There were plates and plates of cheese and cured meats from this gourmet place. For a 1-year-old.”

Alan Palmer, co-owner of Blue Apron Foods, a specialty store in Park Slope, has seen the new strain of culinary anxiety in all forms. “Some people come in and ask for the most expensive cheese because they think it’s going to be the most impressive,” he said, recalling a time when Carr’s was the must-have brand of cracker.

“But a lot of people come in and ask for help because they’re afraid they’re going to make a mistake. They want raw-milk cheese because they heard it was better, or something local because that’s the new byword. I say: ‘Look, there really is no right or wrong here. People aren’t going to throw rocks at you if you serve the wrong cheese.’ ”

Wise counsel from a cheesemonger. But there is a flip side to this breed of home entertaining agita. Serve the right kind of cheese often enough, and you can end up holding the oven mitt for life. Professor Schreier, the self-proclaimed olive oil zealot, has found that certain friends of his, cowed by his Chez Panisse-style presentations, have given up trying to compete with him in the culinary arena altogether.

“People see the potential conflict and bow out,” he said. “If you’re the biggest foodie in the group, people will have you over and say, ‘So what should we get?’ We went to one couple’s home and they hadn’t even gone to the store yet.”

 
Unbelievable but true, Richard. I have a friend who DOES cure her own olives and makes her own

cheese. I've done it too,but only because I think it's a fun thing to do when you're a foodie and you have the time. Just like serving your own jams, jellies, pickles etc.
I also wouldn't hesitate to purchase the best premade food I could find if I was strapped for time.

 
It's something I identified with

from the standpoint of the person who was no longer invited for food at friend's because they were intimidated by the over the top. I've backed way off and am doing much simpler stuff these days because I was experiencing the same thing. When I do have the need to go off the deep end, I look inward and make it a private thing to enjoy. Now I'm all about American and Austrian comfort foods. People enjoy them very much and they aren't intimidated by them.

I also realized I wasn't enjoying my own parties very much because of all the extra detail, work, and stress to pull off some of this stuff. Now it's MADE IN ADVANCE so I can sit down and enjoy the company because I've learned that's what it's really about, not my food.

 
People can be intimidated simply by good cooking, not necessarily over the top.

Sometimes I serve simple meals to people and they'll say "Oh we can't have you over, we can't cook as well as this -- we'll take you to a restaurant instead." Drives me nuts, as if it's a competition. I don't cook to impress, or to show off, or to wow people, but if I'm making, say, a blueberry pie, I don't see the point of using a storebought pie shell and a can of blueberry pie filling. That doesn't involve me. So I made the pastry, so I bought blueberries -- I'm FEEDING you, AND enjoying your company. I'm not trying to show you how superior I am, so shaddup and eat.

Also agree about the low-stress virtues of "made in advance." Gotta love all those "serve at room temperature" Italian dishes. In fact there's a whole sheaf of favourite recipes I'll no longer make for guests, because they require too much last-minute time in the kitchen.

I was just reading May's Gourmet last night and there was a supposedly casual menu, which they picture being served in a meadow. (Gourmet these days seems to like tables set up in farm fields and vineyards and other highly inconvenient and impractical places. All I can think about is the mud and the bugs. And don't get me started on their photos of people's legs or hands, with no food in sight.) Anyway, this casual menu tells you what to do "Just Before Dinner": soften anchovy butter, reheat an appetizer, reheat the soup, whip cream, make rösti (I assume they mean "cook," since total active time is 45 minutes), "cook veal" (sautéeing and then baking stuffed veal rolls), sauté -- yes, presumably at the same time (are you suffering nervous exhaustion yet?)-- asparagus and morels, AND make a salad. And then of course tromp out into the field to serve your relaxed, happy guests. That's one meal I won't be making, even if the guests are waiting in the dining room.

 
Shaun, I agree with you.

To me, entertaining is an expression of creativity. Once I've decided on an event and have the guests lined up I find joy in putting together a fine menu and then executiing it. However, more and more I look for simple dishes that look more complicated than they are and which can be be made ahead of time. And, like your guests, mine too suggest they can't cook as well as me. In fact, all they need is the inclination to do it and be able to read. Having the inclination to cook is the hard part.

I can appreciate that not everyone likes to prepare meals and finds cooking a terrible chore. When folks say they can't compete and therefore can't invite you in return it's an excuse.....plain and simple.

Every once in a while I throw people a curve and invite them over for ordered in pizza and wine or smoked meat sandwiches and store bought cole slaw and potato salad.

 
I have to agree too. It makes me sad how often "friends" have

said, "we LOVE coming to your house for dinner. I could never make anything as well." But we don't get the homey invitations to their place to watch a game over pizza or wings. We get high praise for our meals, we get invitations to dine out at restaurants, we get offers from bachelors to pay for the food if we make it...but we don't have friends who will cook for us.

When did I scare everyone off?

PS: A month ago I was CRAVING a blueberry pie. And, not feeling up to baking yet, I stopped at a local "amazing" (coworker's description) bakery and bought one of theirs for $12. It was CANNED FILLING! I could barely find a blueberry in there. Ended up giving the whole thing to the bachelor neighbor.

Last week I bought 2 pounds of blueberries and made a simple thin bottom crust and filled it to overflowing with a slightly cooked sweetened filling (half still fresh/half cooked till popped) with lots of fresh lemon zest and a bit of sweet butter.

Delightful and just what I was craving. Bachelor neighbor came over and I served him a warm piece.
He said it was good, but he liked the other one better.

He's getting the $3.99 Walmart version next.

PPS: I think I just answered my own question about scaring people off.

 
This is pre-'xactly why I think .....

more folk should cook at home from scratch,nothing fancy needed...it seems comfort food to many these days is store bought stuff, just like Granma used to make!!!.....Granma must be our age now-a-days (heaven forbid!) and we were the generation that eargly tried out new store bought stuff, found it so easy to feed the young 'uns and this is what we created...(NOT speaking too much for those of us here, of course)

I am very happy we took our family cruising as we had to make from scratch if we wanted fresh and often tried using very weird foods although I have to say in the last few years almost all these foods ('cept breadfruit as it doesn't travel well) can be found in most stores. All sprogs are excellent cooks from scratch.

Here on island the trend is "imported foods" (well everything is imported, isn't it)and the plates used come from these wonderful shops in countries most of us will never have the chance to shop at.

It came back at me once and it was certainly not something I set out to do....LOL!.... A "friend" told me much as she would love to have us over for dinner, she just couldn't compete with what we served and they could not serve food on such fancy plates as I have!!!!! (My plates just happen to have an African motif...because they were my ordinary kitchen plates bought when we lived in Africa, nothing special at all!!!)
But they would love to come to us again!!!

Could I pop over to you for a slice of home made blueberry pie please. I can come round for tea tomorrow afternoon!!!! Ohhh! I wish.

 
it works the other way, too...

i have a friend who, on inviting someone over for dinner is likely to get the response, "great. we'll bring the food."

 
I was so happy to see this thread because I have experienced much the same from dinner guests

they tell me they are intimidated by my cooking and presentations. What? What is so hard about buying the best ingredients and following a recipe. I finally decided people are lazy. Even our own children have asked me why I bother (they sure eat my food when they come home) to spend so much time cooking. My food is my gift to our guests!
I love doing it, I love setting a pretty table and refuse to serve my Thanksgiving meal on a paper plate!!!! If people only knew what they were missing.

 
Oh Karen- don't you hate it when people say "Why do you bother?" I have a friend

who has asked me that many times. She's of the mindset that "you don't throw food away- no matter what" The last time I was at her house there was smoke in the kitchen and a horrible smell. She had burned a cheesecake she planned to derve to guest that night. Told her I had a poundcake and fruit in the freezer if she needed it but she said no- she'd just scrape off the burned parts and serve it!

Why would you intentionally serve bad food to friends. Aren't they worth a bit of fuss?

 
Karen, my thoughts echo yours. When I receive guests I want to convery the message

that they are special enough to me that I did bother to clean the house and prepare food and a table fit for VIPS. However, some people just don't get it. Their loss, I say.

 
Karen, my thoughts echo yours. When I receive guests I want to convery the message

that they are special enough to me that I did bother to clean the house and prepare food and a table fit for VIPS. However, some people just don't get it. Their loss, I say.

 
This happens to us all of the time, we love to cook but our friends say they would be indimidated

to cook for us and therefore never want to invite us for dinner. Isn't that sad, we always tell them that cooking is our hobby and we love seeing our friends, even if it's just for a burger or whatever. We would just be grateful to receive a reciprocal invitation of any kind.

But since that hasn't happened, we had scaled back a bit on entertaining and the funny thing is that our group of friends isn't getting together as much. Not sure how to feel about this....

 
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