I'm in the army. Please call me Major FAIL: . . .

M

mistral

Well-known member
Decided to make an Alton Brown recipe for banana bread that called for toasting "original oatmeal" (not quick cook), then grinding it in the food processor to use as part of the flour in the recipe.

I proceeded to toast and grind the oats. Mixed the bread but mis-read the baking powder and used 2 teaspoons instead of the listed 1/2 teaspoon. I thought, what the heck, it'll rise better, right? I totally ignored the voice telling me to scoop it out and re-measure. . .

Oh yeah, it rose better. Up and over the edges in about 20 minutes. The center of the bread was sunken at this time. The aroma of burning sugar was swirling through the house.

Upon cooking time's completion, the bread was even more sunken in and the center was wet! Cooked it for about 10 more minutes then it finally tested done.

It came out of the pan beautifully. The hang-over edges were very tasty. The center of the sinkhole was done and plenty moist. Weirdly shaped slices were delicious. Brutti ma buoni: ugly but good--There are cookies called this, and it also applied to my banana bread.

Has anyone else had a major fail, cooking-wise lately?

 
I think we should earn badges for meeting this criteria, like the Boy Scouts do.

Basically, my entire baking and cooking history fits your criteria, but in the most recent, recent past:

* the epic carrot cake volcano (which oddly still tasted delicious)
* A tsumani of flesh-eating rhubarb sugar that adhered the glass pie plate to my glass stove top.
* TJ quiche which burst into flames when I zapped it for 10 minutes rather than the 1 minute I THOUGHT I had punched in. There is lots of fat in that crust and lots of warning smoke before the actual flame, thereby proving the old adage "there is no smoke without fire."
* Forgetting to shut off the small crockpot after cooking almond oats on high for 2 hours. The next day I had what may possibly be the new heat-resistant component for shielding space shuttles upon reentry.

I could continue but this is depressing me.

 
I was making pizza from scratch and had two medium ones on a corn meal covered...

...cookie sheet.

My bright idea was to treat it like a peel when it was 3/4 done and finish the pizzas right on the oven racks. Crispier crust, thought I.

Reached into the hot oven, grabbed hold of the baking sheet and slid the pizzas onto the rack. Plan was working, or so I thought.

Soon saw smoke coming from the oven, so I opened the door to check. The corn meal had fallen onto the oven floor and was burning. The center of each pizza was still raw and collapsed through the rack, sending raw dough, sauce, cheese and various cured meats onto the floor of the oven.

The stench of burning sauce, cheese and corn meal took DAYS to subside.

Oy.

Michael

 
Or the time I mindlessly added three tablespoons of baking powder to a Marble Cake, when...

...the recipe calls for three TEASPOONS.

Did like your banana bread. Rose over the sides and collapsed in the middle. The flavor was awful, due to the amount of baking powder.

Had to throw it out and spend hours scraping the oven floor.

Michael

 
Ordered Eggplant Parmigiana from Buca di Beppo smileys/frown.gif

for our family dinner on Saturday night. Paper thin slices of eggplant coated and fried dark brown, a thin slice of mozzarella fused across the middle and far less than half the tomatoes, sauce, basil, eggplant and cheese that an Italian grandma would serve her family. The large order was 8 and a half slices to feed 5 adults. Truly awful. Their Tiramisu was also a huge miss - micro thin wet, mushy cake (no "Homemade lady fingers") layered with too thick frosting between the cake and on top. We did love the extra oniony dressing on their antipasto salad but decided that we prefer the antipasto from a local pizzeria in every other way - mixture and portion of ingredients, and price. Fortunately, I made penne pasta with homemade meat sauce knowing a side of pasta was not included. It has probably been 10 years since we've eaten at a Buca when the one nearby closed but we just had to have eggplant parmesan. Cured of that craving! Colleen

 
I made a little Fudge Chocolate Cake once (in either an 8x8" or 9x9" pan), and the recipe

called for both light brown sugar and granulated sugar. It went together just fine, baked in the allotted time and was cooling on my cake racks when I decided to taste some of the crumbs that had stuck to one side of the pan when I turned the cake out. It was as BITTER as gall. Only then did It dawn on me that I had put in the smallish amount of light brown sugar, but I'd completely forgotten to add the larger portion of granulated sugar. The whole thing had to be dumped. Even icing that cake would not have saved it--the taste was awful. YUK.

 
Well, I ended up 'broiling' the first bar cookies I made in our new house...

because unbeknownst to moi the lower oven only broiled (yes...we had to buy new double ovens - they just arrived a week ago)

 
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