I'm thinking you may have hit on a new weight loss plan without realizing it.
"The South Hamilton-Beach Meat Grinder Diet".
Just pull the drapes closed, (or in your case, Steve, THROW the darn things WIDE OPEN), drop your puffy shirt and pantaloons and start makin' sausage! Anything that happens to get caught danglin' too close... POOF! There goes another 3 pounds!
Might just catch on.
Michael