Thank you for being the sacrificial lamb and sparing the rest of us.
If you want a simple pie under your belt that will melt hearts, try this one.
You don't crimp the edges or even cook it in a pie pan...just roll the dough out, put on a heavy cookie sheet, add filling and flip up the sides, leaving a hole in the middle.
Eat it warm. Repeat. I like making ones that end up as 6" diameter...I'll make 2 on a cookie tray and put them in the oven right before dinner. The smell is amazing and each guests gets 1/3 or 1/2 portion. No fuss.
6 TBL frozen butter, shredded on large grater hole
2 TBL Crisco (or just use 8 TBL of butter, but the Crisco will add flakiness)
1 Cup AP Flour
1 TBL sugar
1/2 tsp salt
3-4 TBL cold apple cider (or ice water)
Mix flour, sugar, and salt together. Cut in fat.
Add liquid gently until it begins to come together.
Lightly flour table, then pour out dough and smash/push across the dough with the palm of your hand. This has a fancy French name, but I have no clue what that is.
Don't overwork it. Lightly roll out to 8-9" diamter. Don't worry about the edges or shape.
Filling:
4 tart apples, peeled, cut into 8, then 24 slices
1/2 C sugar
2 heaping TBL flour
1 tsp cinnamon
1 good squeeze of lemon juice
Mix together.
Pile in the middle of the dough.
Dot with 2 TBL butter
Flip sides up. Don't worry if it looks ratty. We're going for "rustic" here.
Bake 375 for 45 minutes (up to 1 hour).
Last 15 minutes, I brush with heavy cream and sprinkle with sugar.
Serve warm with whipped heavy cream or good ice cream.
You want a good apple for this.