[The Lack of] Homespun Kitchen Wisdom

M

marilynfl

Moderator
(feel free to add your own)

1. Never wear black when eating your first beignet.

2. Regardless of how good the dish sounds, do not order noix at a French restaurant. Especially if you have nightmares about thugs kidnapping you and harvesting organs for illegal transplants.

3. If you are out of vegetable oil, restrain from substituting 1/2 C of Roasted Sesame Oil. It is not a good idea.

 
Buy airline-size bottles of liquor for liquored dishes, no temptation to drink the whole bottle!

 
If a family member volunteers to cook to let you "take a break," be assured that they. . . (more)

will be unable to find ANYTHING in the kitchen, no matter how long they have lived in the household.

A corollary to the above: If said family member is trying to find stuff in the kitchen to cook for you, they will also be unable to take ANY directions what so ever to find stuff, and if they do take directions (highly unlikely) they will suffer from severe "kitchen blindness" and will not see what you are directing them to unless it bites them.

I swear by the deities of the kitchen and houshold that the above it the utmost truth! So help me Hannah.

 
Don't fry hash browns in a bikini. Always wear shoes in the kitchen. Never use the cutting board

with the plastic wrap drawer open and put a cup of sweetened coffee on the cutting board and try to grate cheese for a breakfast burrito, like I did this morning. I slipped with the grater, knocked the coffee into the open drawer, had to dump the whole drawer and clean everything off, including washing all the zip lock bags, mop the floor, throw out the burnt eggs, wash the cafe press and the skillet, grind more coffee and boil more water, scramble the eggs and THEN have my relaxing Sunday morning breakfast. Ha.

 
Heather, it's time like this when a shot of brandy in the coffee really goes a long way to help with

the relaxation process.

 
Oh nooooo... a too-small freezer above the refrigerator. I tend to keep putting

stuff in the front of it, then use that first, so I probably have a bunch of stuff in there behind that that I could easily toss out now. Hence, the full freezer! And an occasion falling chicken breast.

I've never actually had anything fall on my toes, but that's only due to the randomness of gravity and my quick reaction time ;o)

 
My favorite post was when I read something about not frying bacon in the nude... this is a close 2nd

 
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