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Wine Anxiety Disorder...entertaining article
- Thread starter susanlp
- Start date
bonnieinholland
Well-known member
Formal dinner parties and wine
I have a different take on the article's info on bringing wine to a formal dinner party. When I do a formal dinner party (which is a lot more often than the bbq or the informal party that the author mentions), I always carefully plan the wine to go with each course. So, if someone brings a wine to the party, that wine will politely get set aside for another ocassion. Here in Holland, that never twists anyone's knickers, but I have read often on US wine forums how hosts in the US who similarly set aside the guest's wine (due to having already planned the wine) tends to get poor reactions from the wine-bearing guest. Curious about your experiences and how you have handled this. When someone brings wine to your party, do you feel obliged to open it? Do you always open it? What reactions have you gotten? Do you plan the wine beforehand for your formal dinner parties? I usually much prefer it if the guest brings chocolates or flowers or something besides wine.
cheers, Bonnie
I have a different take on the article's info on bringing wine to a formal dinner party. When I do a formal dinner party (which is a lot more often than the bbq or the informal party that the author mentions), I always carefully plan the wine to go with each course. So, if someone brings a wine to the party, that wine will politely get set aside for another ocassion. Here in Holland, that never twists anyone's knickers, but I have read often on US wine forums how hosts in the US who similarly set aside the guest's wine (due to having already planned the wine) tends to get poor reactions from the wine-bearing guest. Curious about your experiences and how you have handled this. When someone brings wine to your party, do you feel obliged to open it? Do you always open it? What reactions have you gotten? Do you plan the wine beforehand for your formal dinner parties? I usually much prefer it if the guest brings chocolates or flowers or something besides wine.
cheers, Bonnie
georgiarose
Well-known member
I only have experience from the guest's viewpoint...
From my own experience, if I bring wine to a dinner, I bring it as a "hostess/thank you gift" - something meant for the couple hosting the dinner. I don't expect them to open it for the party, but rather use it at their leisure. I also make this point to the person hosting the party so they do not feel obligated to use it with dinner.
If I want to bring wine to be used at the dinner party, I call the host/hostess ahead of time and ask if I could provide the wine and what wine would they like me to bring. This way I could contribute to the dinner but let the hostess do the wine pairing she desires. If she prefers to buy the wine herself, then I bring another hostess gift in its place (again, something not intended for use at the dinner party).
From my own experience, if I bring wine to a dinner, I bring it as a "hostess/thank you gift" - something meant for the couple hosting the dinner. I don't expect them to open it for the party, but rather use it at their leisure. I also make this point to the person hosting the party so they do not feel obligated to use it with dinner.
If I want to bring wine to be used at the dinner party, I call the host/hostess ahead of time and ask if I could provide the wine and what wine would they like me to bring. This way I could contribute to the dinner but let the hostess do the wine pairing she desires. If she prefers to buy the wine herself, then I bring another hostess gift in its place (again, something not intended for use at the dinner party).
Interesting, I feel the same way, We don't have "formal" dinner parties, but very....
nice dinners where we dress up a bit. Two of my friends always have their wine planned, but keep a nice supply on hand. I bring something that would go with the food, but do not expect it to be necessarily opened. It is pretty much the same at my house. I have received chocolates because, well you know!! I have also taken them along. I like to have my own flowers.
I can't believe it, but it seems to be common, people thinking they should just take the wine home if it was not used???
Interested in other opinions--
Nan
nice dinners where we dress up a bit. Two of my friends always have their wine planned, but keep a nice supply on hand. I bring something that would go with the food, but do not expect it to be necessarily opened. It is pretty much the same at my house. I have received chocolates because, well you know!! I have also taken them along. I like to have my own flowers.
I can't believe it, but it seems to be common, people thinking they should just take the wine home if it was not used???
Interested in other opinions--
Nan
bonnieinholland
Well-known member
Wow!
Nan, that is really interesting that some folks feel that they should be given the unopened wine to take home!! A gift is a gift, I would have thought. Gosh, if I end up back in the US, it looks like it's going to be pretty interesting on ocassion...hee hee.
cheers, Bonnie
Nan, that is really interesting that some folks feel that they should be given the unopened wine to take home!! A gift is a gift, I would have thought. Gosh, if I end up back in the US, it looks like it's going to be pretty interesting on ocassion...hee hee.
cheers, Bonnie
richard-in-cincy
Well-known member
I'm with you Bonnie
When I plan a formal company dinner, that includes planning the wine with each course. All wine brought in is treated as a host gift and put away as it is received with effusive gushing and thanks for the lovely and thoughtful gift (just in case anybody had any ideas about it being opened).
I've never had anyone have a problem with this, nor have I had anyone ask to take their bottle home if it wasn't used (how unbelievably tacky).
And conversely, I treat bringing a bottle to someone else's dinner as a gift, presenting it with a "this is for you" so that they don't feel like they have to open it.
But I usually take something else as a host gift anyway, they usually get my homemade soap.
But for informal gatherings, which my circle does quite a bit of, we frequently get together potluck style. For these events, any wine brought in is understood to be for the party. And for these times, if something is left over, I will pack it up to go home with whoever brought it.
When I plan a formal company dinner, that includes planning the wine with each course. All wine brought in is treated as a host gift and put away as it is received with effusive gushing and thanks for the lovely and thoughtful gift (just in case anybody had any ideas about it being opened).
I've never had anyone have a problem with this, nor have I had anyone ask to take their bottle home if it wasn't used (how unbelievably tacky).
And conversely, I treat bringing a bottle to someone else's dinner as a gift, presenting it with a "this is for you" so that they don't feel like they have to open it.
But I usually take something else as a host gift anyway, they usually get my homemade soap.
But for informal gatherings, which my circle does quite a bit of, we frequently get together potluck style. For these events, any wine brought in is understood to be for the party. And for these times, if something is left over, I will pack it up to go home with whoever brought it.
lin_in_seattle
Well-known member
When I plan a dinner party, I always plan the wine to go with it and have enough to go with it. If .
someone brings wine, I thank them and set it aside. From now on, maybe I'll hide it! When I take wine to a dinner party, I, too, make a point of telling them it is just for them, "for another time." Then there are the family gatherings...when I ask what to bring and am told "wine," I bring what I want. No more pricey wine though...they will pour one glass of wine, toss it down, pour another kind in their glass, toss it down, etc...so it's the two buck Chuck for them! LOL! For casual parties with close friends, however, I do bring wine that I expect will be drunk there, as is the usual custom. If it's not, however, I DON'T take it home with me!
someone brings wine, I thank them and set it aside. From now on, maybe I'll hide it! When I take wine to a dinner party, I, too, make a point of telling them it is just for them, "for another time." Then there are the family gatherings...when I ask what to bring and am told "wine," I bring what I want. No more pricey wine though...they will pour one glass of wine, toss it down, pour another kind in their glass, toss it down, etc...so it's the two buck Chuck for them! LOL! For casual parties with close friends, however, I do bring wine that I expect will be drunk there, as is the usual custom. If it's not, however, I DON'T take it home with me!
heather_in_sf
Well-known member
What a fun article - thanks SusanLP! I have a party next Saturday where we are supposed to bring
a rose and an appetizer! Now I'm feeling less anxious about it all - LOL.
a rose and an appetizer! Now I'm feeling less anxious about it all - LOL.
LOL, I'm notorious for pairing really good food with bargain table wine. so whatever
a guest might bring is sure to be an improvement. But I agree with everyone that a bottle of wine should be thought of as a gift, with no expectations of opening it that night or bringing it back home.
What bothers me is when guests unexpectedly bring food. I know we're so potluck-oriented that people feel odd showing up empty-handed, but when you've worked hard on a menu and someone shows up with the best of intentions and a store-bought pie, what do you do?
When I have a big backyard party, I put on the invitations "Bring something to drink and a big appetite." That avoids all the "What can I bring?" calls, and friends bring so much in the way of wine and beverages that I honestly make a profit on the food.
a guest might bring is sure to be an improvement. But I agree with everyone that a bottle of wine should be thought of as a gift, with no expectations of opening it that night or bringing it back home.
What bothers me is when guests unexpectedly bring food. I know we're so potluck-oriented that people feel odd showing up empty-handed, but when you've worked hard on a menu and someone shows up with the best of intentions and a store-bought pie, what do you do?
When I have a big backyard party, I put on the invitations "Bring something to drink and a big appetite." That avoids all the "What can I bring?" calls, and friends bring so much in the way of wine and beverages that I honestly make a profit on the food.
Years ago I solved the problem. We always take a chilled bottle of decent champagne.
Like others, I always plan wines for dinners I give and I sort of expect the same to be done when we are invited out so we take champagne (or the non-French equivalent) and it is ALWAYS welcome and always consumed. This works for a BBQ as well as a formal dinner party and I love it when someone brings a bottle to our home as it does not "bump" the wines I selected for dinner but compliments the evening.
Like others, I always plan wines for dinners I give and I sort of expect the same to be done when we are invited out so we take champagne (or the non-French equivalent) and it is ALWAYS welcome and always consumed. This works for a BBQ as well as a formal dinner party and I love it when someone brings a bottle to our home as it does not "bump" the wines I selected for dinner but compliments the evening.
richard-in-cincy
Well-known member
Joe, I can soo relate to that.
Potluck is potluck. When I'm planning a menu, I don't want grandma's secret recipe deviled eggs or Frisch's (local chain who markets that they make good pies, but in reality they're really awful) latest pie of the season toted in to add to my sideboard. The people that know me well would never do this, but the occasional guests outside of the inner circle have been known to do this. I do my best smile through gritted teeth and find a place for it, knowing full well that usually no one will touch it anyway. There was one time when someone brought that gloppy taco dip to a formal sit down dinner. I wanted to throw it into the trash can! I whisked it out of their hands ("Oh, let me find a place for this!") and spun them around in the direction of the bartender while I beat a retreat to the kitchen and hid it as best I could at the back of a counter, leaving the protective layer of saran wrap on it to further deter anyone even thinking about dipping into it, and hoped no one would find it.
Grrrr. I'm so protective of my menus. LOL
Potluck is potluck. When I'm planning a menu, I don't want grandma's secret recipe deviled eggs or Frisch's (local chain who markets that they make good pies, but in reality they're really awful) latest pie of the season toted in to add to my sideboard. The people that know me well would never do this, but the occasional guests outside of the inner circle have been known to do this. I do my best smile through gritted teeth and find a place for it, knowing full well that usually no one will touch it anyway. There was one time when someone brought that gloppy taco dip to a formal sit down dinner. I wanted to throw it into the trash can! I whisked it out of their hands ("Oh, let me find a place for this!") and spun them around in the direction of the bartender while I beat a retreat to the kitchen and hid it as best I could at the back of a counter, leaving the protective layer of saran wrap on it to further deter anyone even thinking about dipping into it, and hoped no one would find it.
Grrrr. I'm so protective of my menus. LOL
I have never thought about this before >>>
when I have guests I always plan and buy my food and wine BUT, as we are quite social here - and thankfully usually on weekends - we are known to hang around for some hours after dinner. I then put out snack and open bottles of wine I got as a hostess gift and if there is anything left by the end of the evening.......heck, I dunno.....it never happened at my house! smileys/smile.gif))
when I have guests I always plan and buy my food and wine BUT, as we are quite social here - and thankfully usually on weekends - we are known to hang around for some hours after dinner. I then put out snack and open bottles of wine I got as a hostess gift and if there is anything left by the end of the evening.......heck, I dunno.....it never happened at my house! smileys/smile.gif))
One exception for me is if it's a very very very special bottle. I'm referring to
a bottle that we were privileged to have been able to buy, was expensive when bought it and was then carefully aged for another 10 years (and of course the value increased by about $300). The recipient knew about this wine, what it was, how long we had it in cellar and that it was now ready to open. We considered our hosts special so that we wanted to share it with them. It was the only bottle we had, by the way. So...we had been waiting patiently for 10 years to open it.
He thanked us sincerely, put it in his cellar and served up something else. Whine
And by the way, it would have been perfect with the main course, but also just as a standalone before dinner.
Unfortunately, we won't do that again. It was intended to share; we felt that we gave our baby away.
Otherwise, we take wine to the host for the host's cellar, or for dinner if it works. No matter. If we know what's being served, for example turkey at Thanksgiving, we'll take one for the cellar and a couple for the turkey.
And if I am doing dinner, the wine is already planned. I don't feel compelled to drink the guests' bottles that night. I do ask though, if I know it to be what we might consider to be a special wine, if they would like to have it that night.
By the way, if it is a wine for laying down, whether offered or received, I think it is an extra bonus to know when it is expected to be drinkable.
a bottle that we were privileged to have been able to buy, was expensive when bought it and was then carefully aged for another 10 years (and of course the value increased by about $300). The recipient knew about this wine, what it was, how long we had it in cellar and that it was now ready to open. We considered our hosts special so that we wanted to share it with them. It was the only bottle we had, by the way. So...we had been waiting patiently for 10 years to open it.
He thanked us sincerely, put it in his cellar and served up something else. Whine
And by the way, it would have been perfect with the main course, but also just as a standalone before dinner.
Unfortunately, we won't do that again. It was intended to share; we felt that we gave our baby away.
Otherwise, we take wine to the host for the host's cellar, or for dinner if it works. No matter. If we know what's being served, for example turkey at Thanksgiving, we'll take one for the cellar and a couple for the turkey.
And if I am doing dinner, the wine is already planned. I don't feel compelled to drink the guests' bottles that night. I do ask though, if I know it to be what we might consider to be a special wine, if they would like to have it that night.
By the way, if it is a wine for laying down, whether offered or received, I think it is an extra bonus to know when it is expected to be drinkable.
Taking the gift back is not on whether it is a bottle or not..very tacky,,,here in the
Caribbean everyone drinks and everyone takes booze...We Always take a nice bottle of wine......and that is a gift.....
my non-wine drinker DH will take rum and coke or beer or something, if it is a pot-luck style he will some times share it, sometimes it stays in the bag...then goes home with us....I'm a wine drinker so depending on the kind of meal and how long we set around gabbing after, the wine I take (not the gift) is sometimes drunk, sometimes not but then I wouldn't dream of asking to take that home..anymore than I'd expect some one else to search for and take home wine they have given to me.
Just on the subject of wine pared with meals....I cant drink red anymore...a small glass or 6 and my arthritus seems to start screaming at me....so for those more formal dinners I will pare a red but then have rose to offer as well ..... that and white are what I can drink.....such a bore.
We go to many formal dinners and I drink club-soda or water if there is no wine, my husband too....
And to think not so many years ago a bottle of red wine was neither here nor there for me...boo hoo!
Caribbean everyone drinks and everyone takes booze...We Always take a nice bottle of wine......and that is a gift.....
my non-wine drinker DH will take rum and coke or beer or something, if it is a pot-luck style he will some times share it, sometimes it stays in the bag...then goes home with us....I'm a wine drinker so depending on the kind of meal and how long we set around gabbing after, the wine I take (not the gift) is sometimes drunk, sometimes not but then I wouldn't dream of asking to take that home..anymore than I'd expect some one else to search for and take home wine they have given to me.
Just on the subject of wine pared with meals....I cant drink red anymore...a small glass or 6 and my arthritus seems to start screaming at me....so for those more formal dinners I will pare a red but then have rose to offer as well ..... that and white are what I can drink.....such a bore.
We go to many formal dinners and I drink club-soda or water if there is no wine, my husband too....
And to think not so many years ago a bottle of red wine was neither here nor there for me...boo hoo!