Does anyone else have dysfunctional family get togethers?
- Thread starter dawn_mo
- Start date
michael-in-phoenix
Well-known member
I married into a wonderful family. Very little drama, as most conflict is handled...
...in a mature and reasonable way. It's been almost 34 years since I showed up and can't recall more than a handful of issues in the last 20+ years that resulted in drama.
We don't deal with my side of the family much. I have a dear Aunt and Uncle who live a couple hours away, and their kids (my cousins) are great. No issues.
We are super-close to a couple of families that have constant relative-induced drama. MAJOR stuff that divides families. It's ugly.
I feel for you Dawn. Hang in there.
Michael
...in a mature and reasonable way. It's been almost 34 years since I showed up and can't recall more than a handful of issues in the last 20+ years that resulted in drama.
We don't deal with my side of the family much. I have a dear Aunt and Uncle who live a couple hours away, and their kids (my cousins) are great. No issues.
We are super-close to a couple of families that have constant relative-induced drama. MAJOR stuff that divides families. It's ugly.
I feel for you Dawn. Hang in there.
Michael
I think all families have their qwerks... Fortunately, ours are not that serious.
Dh and I did meet through our parents, as a result, every holiday, celebration, etc (practically every weekend), we are all together. Recent "issues" which were resolved:
FIL at my mothers day party decided that my BIL was tasting dip with his fingers.... He was going to protest and not eat anything that I made. (I fixed that....)
MIL approached my mom on vacation and said her "Heart was heavy" about my mom not including cousin X at our wedding (22 years ago) (I fixed that too Mind you, cousin X passed away 5 yrs ago!)
Mom stopped my nephew from eating appetizers at above mothers day party. (He is struggling with his weight as a teen, but she stopped him in front of everyone, and drew attention to his weight : ( (Boy did I fix that)
Dad... Nothing recent....
So, I guess all in all, I would say that every family has complexities. We work through or let it pass, depending on severity. If it is serious, like you may be implying, I am sorry. Drama is not fun..
Dh and I did meet through our parents, as a result, every holiday, celebration, etc (practically every weekend), we are all together. Recent "issues" which were resolved:
FIL at my mothers day party decided that my BIL was tasting dip with his fingers.... He was going to protest and not eat anything that I made. (I fixed that....)
MIL approached my mom on vacation and said her "Heart was heavy" about my mom not including cousin X at our wedding (22 years ago) (I fixed that too Mind you, cousin X passed away 5 yrs ago!)
Mom stopped my nephew from eating appetizers at above mothers day party. (He is struggling with his weight as a teen, but she stopped him in front of everyone, and drew attention to his weight : ( (Boy did I fix that)
Dad... Nothing recent....
So, I guess all in all, I would say that every family has complexities. We work through or let it pass, depending on severity. If it is serious, like you may be implying, I am sorry. Drama is not fun..
Not since my BIL moved to Oregon. Sometimes it only takes one angry person looking for a fight
to set the whole party on edge. My extended family runs the gamut from uber-liberal to arch-conservative, but we've always managed to find other things to talk about at gatherings. But one BIL would always needle until he got a reaction from someone. Every holiday. Then he'd play the victim.
I miss my sister and the kids but I sure don't miss the drama!
My French in-laws were quite a case study while they were alive, picking at each other like an existentialist one-act play, but fortunately I couldn't understand most of the bickering.
It's such a shame when everyone makes an effort--cooking, cleaning, driving, etc. with good intentions to arrange for a get-together, and then people have to bring along all their petty resentments.
to set the whole party on edge. My extended family runs the gamut from uber-liberal to arch-conservative, but we've always managed to find other things to talk about at gatherings. But one BIL would always needle until he got a reaction from someone. Every holiday. Then he'd play the victim.
I miss my sister and the kids but I sure don't miss the drama!
My French in-laws were quite a case study while they were alive, picking at each other like an existentialist one-act play, but fortunately I couldn't understand most of the bickering.
It's such a shame when everyone makes an effort--cooking, cleaning, driving, etc. with good intentions to arrange for a get-together, and then people have to bring along all their petty resentments.
No in-law drama in either of our families for the last 30+ years. However...
...my Czech/Austrian aunt-in-law, after her wonderful husband died in '06 from cancer (terrific guy, teacher, lover of English lit, photographer), started dating a retired Polish businessman--the polar opposite of Viktor--who lives in Austria and whose main hobbies seem to be bigotry and cigar-smoking.
Having had the misfortune to sit through half a dinner with him--I left the table when he started using ethnic slurs--I plan on doing everything in my power to prevent him from becoming an in-law. The rest of the family also thinks she's taken leave of her senses, but they just shrug and say that they just want her to be happy.
...my Czech/Austrian aunt-in-law, after her wonderful husband died in '06 from cancer (terrific guy, teacher, lover of English lit, photographer), started dating a retired Polish businessman--the polar opposite of Viktor--who lives in Austria and whose main hobbies seem to be bigotry and cigar-smoking.
Having had the misfortune to sit through half a dinner with him--I left the table when he started using ethnic slurs--I plan on doing everything in my power to prevent him from becoming an in-law. The rest of the family also thinks she's taken leave of her senses, but they just shrug and say that they just want her to be happy.
Are there any other kind? I'm sorry you are having problems, Dawn. Hopefully they will soon
be forgotten. It's always something different every time we get together and the biggest thing lately is that some family members' feelings are hurt because they aren't included.
As long as there is communication, I'd say, there's room for hope. Good luck. Father's Day is coming!
be forgotten. It's always something different every time we get together and the biggest thing lately is that some family members' feelings are hurt because they aren't included.
As long as there is communication, I'd say, there's room for hope. Good luck. Father's Day is coming!
music-city-missy
Well-known member
I just avoid family gatherings as much as at all possible - it's always dysfunctional & drama
Next weekend is DH's birthday so that is the first of the ones with the two stepsons this month then there is Father's Day two weeks later and a visit from my husband's cousin that we haven't met the following week. So I get to have FUN at least three times in June. Starting to hate the month of June.
Seriously - I moved to Nashville from Jackson, MS in May 1987. I went back for three funerals, 1 wedding, 1 maybe 2 Christmases and same for Thanksgivings, 1 college visit, 1 college orientation, and 1 visit to my daughter when she was in college down there. I know that sounds sad but you wouldn't believe me if I told you the stories! And it's mainly one or two relatives that cause all the angst. And dad was an only child and no real close relatives still alive so it's all on mom's side.
As for in-laws - eh, it's not that bad. Just different. Sort of an underlying tension you can feel all the time between my husband and his sisters, particularly the oldest who thinks she is always right, is very competitive, judgmental, etc. Even though he talks about things they did as a family but they just don't seem close any more especially him to his sisters.
Next weekend is DH's birthday so that is the first of the ones with the two stepsons this month then there is Father's Day two weeks later and a visit from my husband's cousin that we haven't met the following week. So I get to have FUN at least three times in June. Starting to hate the month of June.
Seriously - I moved to Nashville from Jackson, MS in May 1987. I went back for three funerals, 1 wedding, 1 maybe 2 Christmases and same for Thanksgivings, 1 college visit, 1 college orientation, and 1 visit to my daughter when she was in college down there. I know that sounds sad but you wouldn't believe me if I told you the stories! And it's mainly one or two relatives that cause all the angst. And dad was an only child and no real close relatives still alive so it's all on mom's side.
As for in-laws - eh, it's not that bad. Just different. Sort of an underlying tension you can feel all the time between my husband and his sisters, particularly the oldest who thinks she is always right, is very competitive, judgmental, etc. Even though he talks about things they did as a family but they just don't seem close any more especially him to his sisters.
dawn_mo
Well-known member
All is fine. It is actually one person
who causes most of the drama. This wasn't the first family gathering that ended on a bad note because of my son-in-law.
I get along very well with my MIL and SIL most of the time.
He should be out of town for the next few holidays, so we can all take a breather.
We had a nice day today, so all is well. Thanks for telling me some of your family stories. It's nice to know you aren't alone. smileys/smile.gif
who causes most of the drama. This wasn't the first family gathering that ended on a bad note because of my son-in-law.
I get along very well with my MIL and SIL most of the time.
He should be out of town for the next few holidays, so we can all take a breather.
We had a nice day today, so all is well. Thanks for telling me some of your family stories. It's nice to know you aren't alone. smileys/smile.gif
steve2-in-la
Well-known member
I thought the term, "dysfunctional family get togethers" was redundant.
mariadnoca
Moderator
Somehow I'm picturing Barb fixing it with a cattle prod. **snap!**
mariadnoca
Moderator
dysfunction junction...la, la, la....dysfunction junction...la, la, la...
I'd set the expectation for what's acceptable in your house.
I tend to deal with things, rather than let them fester so if it were me, I'd take that person aside and say, "You are welcome here, but that confrontational behavior is not. This is not the place to air your grievances. Come and be pleasant, or don't come. The choice is yours."
I tend to deal with things, rather than let them fester so if it were me, I'd take that person aside and say, "You are welcome here, but that confrontational behavior is not. This is not the place to air your grievances. Come and be pleasant, or don't come. The choice is yours."