Does anyone else have dysfunctional family get togethers?

(((group hug everyone))) wigs, I can so relate to the card thing, with my dad though.

he was not nearly as abusive as your story, but still, not easy to find a card appropriate and non-sappy. never was good enough---a common theme. my folks were immigrants from Germany. were your's recent immigrants? seems like they didn't know how to have happy children/happy childhoods.

 
Add me to the list - I only have bad, really bad memories of my mother. She was mean and abusive.

 
Wigs! Yup, twins separated at birth...right down to the mothers day cards, criticizing my cooking

and awe at friends who actually LIKE their mother and choose to spend time with them. The only difference was I could never afford therapy. Don't need it. I learned to forgive and get on with life, and just feel a great sorrow for my parents who had such a hard, unhappy life. Both died way too young and had so little joy in their life. How could you not feel sadness over that?!

 
I know that my paternal grandmother was an immigrant who came into the USA at 6 yrs of age, but

am not sure about Grandpa Wiggins or my mother's 2 parents. I know my grandma Wiggins was from Belgium.

I understand perfectly what you're referring to regarding the old disciplinary standards of European parents from a generation or 2 ago...very rigid and rules oriented.

 
cheezz--I was fortuate in that insurance covered all therapy expenses. I was stuck in the mode where

I thought EVERYTHING was my fault as far as Mother was concerned--could not comprehend why I could never please that woman. I wasn't seeing or clicking into the fact that she'd tell me one thing--I'd do it exactly as she had spelled out--and then she'd change the rules so it always "felt" like I was wrong or had misunderstood & royally screwed up. Example, once at Thanksgiving, I offered to make a pie to take up to the farm for the family dinner. "Oh, that would be a big help to me, Caryn," says Mom. "What kind of a pie do U want me to bake, Mom?" "Doesn't matter--whatever you feel like." So I made apple, and the minute I walked in her door with it, I heard, "Oh, apple? I was hoping for blueberry." Struck out AGAIN. I used to automatically jump to the conclusion that I should somehow have known--I simply couldn't see that she was not clearly communicating her wishes. She was a champ at making it seem like things were my fault. Cheezz, you should thank your lucky stars that you didn't fall into that trap--it took me a long time to climb out of my big black abyss on the "not being good enough" score.

And regarding your post directly above, cheezz--you are SO RIGHT about our childhoods being gigantic lessons on what not to do and how not to be.

 
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