Does anyone else have dysfunctional family get togethers?

And, I would add, once that line was drawn and the limits clearly delineated...

...then I would enforce it like a pit bull on steroids.

Chances are, you would only have to do that ONCE.

Michael

 
How awful. I think when the ethnic slurs start it is perfectly acceptable to look 'em straight

in the eye and say, "I find that extremely offensive." It doesn't reform them but they learn to shut up around you in the future. At least it worked with my BIL.

 
Yes, I said that in English, since I didn't know how to in German (common language, that night). smileys/frown.gif

 
I could write a book...it would include snuff and black teeth, the KKK, coyotes,

quilt stealing at a funeral (where my sister was forced to apply lipstick to the corpse by our aunt), racial slurs up the wazoo, Bible toting grandpa - who swung with one hand to beat the devil out of you), cousins who walked 3 paces behind their husbands (if they "knew their place"), family that all but rode me and my sis out of town on a rail because we dared to mention cremation, arguments to the effect that "we were considered dead" if we weren't up before 6am for the 15 course breakfast, mom yelling at us because we complained about the mosquitos eating our children alive....really, that's the tip of the iceburg.

Now don't you feel better Dawn?

 
You win this round, cheezz. Hands down, I think. But for absolute obnoxious cruelty...

...I would have to give a nod to marg K., back in the day. Her in-laws were just plain MEAN. I could never understand how she was able to deal with them.

Michael

 
my crusty "old-country" relatives would pay no attention to my request and state that I needed to

toughen up and not be so "over-sensitive". crusty old b@$#%*Ds. no changing them, so I stay away. nothing to miss.

 
I agree with you.

A new-to-the-family brother-in-law from an English background found it quite funny to make slurs against the Irish. (Guess what my Mom was?) He had to be told to stop or he wouldn't be welcome here any longer, just his wife and daughter. He believed me and stopped that business. However, he is still a A** in other ways. Luckily we don't see them often.

 
Mean?? Let me introduce you to my mother...the type to pinch the babies behind your back

Just to make them cry so she could yell at them. I swear she kept a chalkboard by the phone and logged each call from her children as she always led off with "your sister called me 2 hours ago to say happy mothers day so I thought you weren't going to call". Nothing was ever good enough, fast enough, or just plain enough.

 
HA! Don't know about that, but certainly proves you have a choice in what kind of person you are!

 
Whenever my mother would accuse me of being over-sensitive to one of her caustic comments,

I would fire right back that she was being INSENSITIVE to my feelings. That would shut her up for a while, but never to the point that she'd quit saying that same thing at the next get-together.

 
cheezz, your mom sounds like a twin to mine. I had a therapist tell me one time that frm her 25+ yrs

in practice, my mom was the 2nd most horrible mother she'd ever heard tales about. My mom got 2nd place only because there was never any physical abuse to us kids while growing up--but holy smokes, did she ever lay on the verbal & emotional zingers & abuse.

cheezz, I sure can relate to your saying how your mom let U know that you were never good enough, fast enough, etc. I was raised exactly like that. There was ALWAYS something wrong with me or the way I did things--mainly because I didn't run my life exactly like Mother had lived hers so her interpretation was that I was indirectly accusing her way of being wrong. Took a very good therapist to help me figure that one out!

I'll never forget once when I was about 20 and home from college. Mom walked by me sitting at the dining room table where I was studying and asked, "What's that on your neck?" "Oh, just some acne, Mom. It's that time of the month, you know." "Well, young lady, it sure looks like VD to me!" And she turned on her heel and left the room.

I must admit, though, that I wasn't singled out as she railed at my younger sister and brother just as much as she did with me. I cannot imagine how awful it must be to live a life like my mother's or like all these other people who are so negative and evil.

I spent a good many years in therapy because I was panicked I was going to turn out like my mom, but cheezz, you're absolutely right in that you can choose how you want to be as a person. My brother has the identical personality of my mom, but my sister is a wonderful person, and she & I are still close.

I always got along with my MIL much better than my own mother. She was a kind and loving woman. My husband's brother & 2 sisters & their spouses are also great people. They'll rib and kid one another, but it's always in fun, and we laugh a ton whenever we get together.

cheezz, I used to hunt from one end of town to another to find Mother's Day cards to send my mom that simply said, "Have a great Mother's Day" PERIOD--without all the sappy verses of appreciation! Am sure a few of you can understand that one.

Here's a story about a friend of mine--both her parents were nasty to her. Barb was a National Honor Scholarship finalist in high school. When she proudly shared that news with her folks, they both promptly said that her winning that award wasn't because she was smart, but rather only because she studied so much. Neither her mom nor her dad attended her high school graduation ceremony. Barb is one of the dearest people I know.

Well, sorry this is such a negative post but that is the way things were. I was truly relieved when my mom passed away at 87 about 3 years ago. I wasted a ton of energy in my life trying to please someone who could never be pleased with what I did or with whom I was as a person.

RE cooking--my mom was a good cook--the meat & potatoes variety--we lived on a farm--but she made all our bread and all our hamburger buns & hotdog buns. She made our butter--always put out a gigiantic garden. She taught me the basics of cooking & baking so I'm thankful for that. After I got married and moved 213 miles away from the farm, she'd come to visit and would enjoy helping me cook. I'd taken some cooking classes at a local culinary store here in town and learned a ton of new things and lots about ingredients I'd never been exposed to as a kid, and Mother would ask, "Why are you using fresh parsley (or thyme or oregno or whatever)? We never cooked that way on the farm!" "Why are you doing peeling potatoes like that? We never did it that way at home." "This recipe doesn't sound like it'll taste good at all." But then WHO WAS THE ONE who would ask for seconds right off the bat? Yep, my mom! She'd never admit that the recipe was any good after she'd tasted it, but she would always go back for more. Crazy, huh?

It's a rainy day here and a good day to journal. I remain in awe of two of my girlfriends who have told me their mothers are their best friends. I simply CANNOT imagine that, but maybe in my next life.....Smile!

 
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