NFR-I'mNotSureWhatTodoHere

M

marilynfl

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A former college student of my husband has remained a friend of ours for over 10 years. She used to visit every other year when she was a flight attendant and could fly for free. Three visits ago she was here with her partner to go on a cruise. The last visit she came alone because said partner never put the insulation in their house and she was freezing. So she left him freeze in Canada and flew down for a free visit to Florida. She and her partner recently had a child < 6 months and both have hinted over the past year (in two separate phone calls) that they would like to come back to Florida for another cruise...

...and let quasi-Grand-parents Marily and Larry watch new baby while they are on said cruise.

The newest permutation is: her (crazy) mother may fly down with them and watch the baby with quasi-grandparents Marilyn and Larry while they are on said cruise.

The top of my head feels like it's tingling and full of bugs. I HAVE NO CHILDREN. NO CHILD HAS EVER POPPED OUT OF THIS BODY. I'VE NO STEP-CHILDREN, NO FOSTER CHILDREN, NO ADOPTED CHILDREN AND NO PETS. I get queasy when my books are overdue at the library.

What do I know about taking care of a child unable to microwave its own mac 'n cheese. How do I politely tell these people THEY are CRAZY?

Oh, and Larry's fine with this.

And I'm not exaggerating about the mother. She has stayed with us twice over the years and she really is crazy.

 
how long is this cruise? I think you/Larry/baby would do quite well.

Crazy Mom is the kink in this chain. Not having children myself either, I would wonder about all the "stuff" you might need in the house, like crib and stroller etc---maybe can borrow a few things?

 
Good God. I'd try to put the kibosh on that as soon as possible.

Am I understanding correctly that the first permutation was, Former student and her partner invite themselves to Florida, go on cruise, leave baby with Marilyn and Larry?

And that the second permutation was, Former student and her partner invite themselves and student's mother to Florida, go on cruise, leave baby with mother in Marilyn and Larry's house?!

I think I would look into the Witness Protection Program ASAP. Barring that, a politely worded email to the effect of, "None of these scenarios are anything we've planned for or are really prepared to go through with, thank you all the same..." The words "With regrets, this just isn't feasible" come to mind...

 
Because I have faced the same situation...crazy and all maybe I can give you a hint

Time to be firm. If you let it happen you will set yourself up for a future of repeats. This very thing has happened to us. We live on Kauai and lots of friends and acquaintances want to come visit and stay- sometimes to see us, sometimes really to just save money. We made the mistake of saying "sure" to a couple with a baby and a traveling grandma that is nuts. We had such a miserable time and ended up being slaves in our own home, our own lives disrupted and we HATED it. Said never again. So now, when a situation like this arises we say "We're not set up for kids in our home but I'd be very happy to find you reasonably-priced accommodations nearby- we'd love to see you and spend some time with you. Let me know what kind of price range is good for you."

 
Goodness!

One thing an old CEO of mine use to do when he was going to tell me no, was always start with this line:

"Maria, and you know I love you, but..." Somehow that always seemed endearing.

So with that,

College student, and you know I love you, but (insert endearment of your choice) I don't have children for a reason. Heck, I'm not even qualified to take care of a small dog or cat, so this would be way out of my comfort zone, so much so it may in fact be illegal, but if you are going to be in town, we'd love to meet up for lunch or dinner while you're passing through.

And then change the subject. Anyhoo, this would be the type of tone I'd take.

 
Absolutely. Frankly, I can't believe that someone would try imposing all this, even good friends.

Nip in bud.

 
But be careful not to leave the door open for the mother to supposedly do the babysitting while

vacationing in your home.

Yikes. What a situation.

 
You are all nicer than I. My first blurt would probably be "Oh, HELL no!".

I too am childless. I wanted one in my twenties but find the longer i've gone without one the shorter my patience with them has become. Heck, i've lived alone so long it just about drove me insane when my own mother had to stay with me when I was sick.

 
However you do it (all these suggestions are right on, (even the "Hell, no") don't relent!

Holy moly, this is brash!

 
I did not get through the responses, but saw Erin's subject line of Put the Kibash..You must kibash

 
Send them a link to a rental with a note, "We'd love to meet you for dinner."

Their life has changed with the baby, and that's fine but they need some parameters on what's acceptable to you. I would not welcome uninvited guests, crying babies, or the stress/responsibility of kid proofing my home. Guests I like are stressful enough. This situation? No way!

And in the simple terms of give and take in a friendship, what's in it for you? Did they offer to fly YOU anywhere, or take you on a cruise? Pfft.

Kindly say "No," and do not negotiate.

 
OK, I went through the responses, agree completely, so Cathy, does that mean you will not

watch our kids for a week when we want to go on a cruise in Hawaii and I will fly in my MIL? : )

They are really good kids! : )

We won't be far, just off on a cruise ship and if there is a problem, you can just call and ask for Captain Stubing or Julie McCoy. Or we may be with Issac. : )

Mar, You must Kibash....

P.S.... Not for nothing, but I am still confused if you have vacation time, and $$, wouldn't you want to bring your child?

 
All of the above, and, as the ultimate antidote for any idea you may have of...

...of acquiesing to their "request", I offer the words of my sister's future mother-in-law.

The groom's 'family' (all 9 of them, including toddlers and pets) had just arrived at my Mom and Dad's house after driving from another State. They asked to be "put up" for the wedding, and as soon as we made them comfortable, the old biddy squawks, loud enough for everyone to hear, "YOU KNOW I'M GOING TO GET MY SON BACK, DON'T YOU?" My sister looked around, then looked back at her and said, "Ooo-kaaaay."

Things went downhill from there. They married and soon divorced. The old bat was right!

Hotel, hotel, hotel!

Michael

 
My "Jersey" is coming out here. No F'n way!! Why does Grandma have to

fly down? Can't she just stay ion their home, which presumably is "set up for children" and watch the dear young one at THEIR home? If they can stand a week away from said dear child, they can take a few more hours and see said dear child when they fly home from cruise. An extra 3 hours won't kill them!
I think Cathy had the best answer.

You're a nice person to consider it, but NO!
Especially with work situation being so tenuous, first things first.!! You!

 
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