Weird question about yesterday. One of the couples we invited had just

C

cynupstateny

Well-known member
recently moved into the area. Didn't know them very well but thought we'd like to get to know them better. They arrived with a bottle of wine and immediately asked how much their share was. I said "Excuse me?" They said how much do we owe you for the steaks? Twice more during the afternoon they asked the same question.

Is this a practice in some areas or do we just look too poor to invite friends over for a meal?

 
New one for me. We have done that when we spontaneously get together and order Pizza's

at our neighbors. Again, very spontaneous, we all chip in, etc. Could be a reflection of the times. They recognize how $$ the steaks were (and a special treat), and did not want to be presumptuous.

 
Where I come from, we're big on potlucks...or at least contributing in some way. Just showing up

for dinner with someone else shouldering the work and expense is still strange to me. They could be operating on that premise. I know friends of mine are good cooks and control freaks...they plan the entire menu and pair dinner specifically with their wine. "Just show up" has never made me very comfortable--especially because I'm not in a position to entertain nearly as lavish in return.

 
Everyone has their different ways...

For me, when I make dinner and have a dinner party, I am the proverbial control freak that Traca referred to. I want you to show up, I don't want you to bring anything (although host gifts are always graciously accepted).

If we're doing informal potluck, I'm totally ok with people contributing. But when I put a menu together to entertain, I don't want to make room for chips and salsa from the grocery store.

Anywho, sounds like they were in a group that entertained by everyone chipping in for the expensive steaks to share the wealth. I wouldn't think too much of it, I'm sure they will graciously adapt to your way of entertaining.

 
It sounds like you're a wonderful cook Traca and you shouldn't worry about......

returning invitations where the hosts have cooked a splendid meal. Ina Garten says that people like good comfort food the best. She makes a big pot roast with vegetables, a nice salad, maybe some rolls and a homey dessert. None of it has to be expensive. Bobby Flay makes a great meatloaf with mashed potatoes. It's the getting together and sharing a meal with friends thats fun. I take a jar of home made something as a hostess gift and no matter what it is they love it.

 
Stories like this make me worry that entertaining is a dying art. The idea of enjoying

an evening at someone's house, then following with a return invitation, and then someone else taking a turn--not keeping score but everyone entertaining sometime in their own way--it seems lost on a lot of people.

I'm sure your new friends meant well. I hope they were able to relax and enjoy their steaks guilt-free.

 
Richard, I'm like you. I like to completely orchestrate a menu without interference. But,

when it comes to wine I'm easy. I tell everyone to bring wine and I call it even. Most of my friends are much more into fine wine than I and have wonderful cellars. If they leave unopened bottles behind I think I end up making a profit.

 
I don't think I agree. I'm wondering if being new to the area and not

really being sure of the protocol and what was the "going" way for their new area of friends? Maybe covering their bets? Sounds like a nice couple that you might want to include again.

 
I guess some people are uncomfortable being gracious. I see it as an

insecurity on their part to partake wholeheartedly as your dinner guests. Instead of making a fuss about chipping in, the couple should have just thanked you for the dinner afterwards.

 
I'm an orchestrater as well. One reason we keep a cellar is to complement the dishes

we serve our guests. Still, folks DO like to contribute (as do I when I'm a guest)so it's an understandable conundrum.

 
Perhaps there was a miscommunication about dinner?

If there were other people involved, perhaps there was a conversation you didn't know about where information got tangled up.

I've never heard of anyone contributing money-wise to a dinner. Although, now that I think about it, my church does this "TGIF" event where the host provides the food and drink and people throw money in the pot to cover expenses.

But it sounds like your guests just got their wires crossed.

 
I've never had the experience of anyone asking about his/her share of the cost.

We have experienced guests who accept invitations but who have no intention of returning one. A few of these non-entertainers will turn up with very expensive wines. A very few turn up empty handed.

 
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